Episode Summary:
Hosts Alysse Bryson and Libby Sundgren welcome Shari Leid — connection creator, friendship expert and author of “Table for 51” — to explore the art of creating authentic connections at events and in life. Shari shares stories from her project dining with strangers in all 50 states, the philosophy behind her Flip the Box movement, and tangible strategies for designing intentional communities that go beyond small talk. From courageous conversations to thoughtful event planning tips and the value of starting “ugly,” this episode is a masterclass in meaningful moments.
Timestamps:
[00:00] – Shari’s 50-state dinner journey & memorable meals
[02:15] – How the project was organized: logistics, finding strangers, and event planning insights
[06:16] – Overcoming social anxiety: sparking deep conversations with new people
[09:23] – Most surprising foods and standout state experiences
[11:00] – Staying connected & building bridges across divides
[13:31] – Event planner takeaways: designing intentional, welcoming communities
[20:05] – Tips for maximizing connection and inclusion at events
[24:13] – Generational shifts: teaching connection in the age of screens
[26:36] – Keeping the magic (and community) going post-event
[28:03] – Most memorable swag—and the power of a simple cookie
[29:32] – Flip the Box: turning a personal story into a national movement
[32:10] – Planning an unforgettable book launch in NYC
[37:24] – What’s next for Shari: professional speaking, retreats, and connection projects
[42:17] – Closing thoughts on courage, connection, favorite party songs, and putting yourself back on the dance floor
Resources & Links:
-Shari Leid: Website, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, X
-“Table for 51” Launch Party Planner: Lee Ramsay Events
-“Table for 51”: Book & Launch Party
-Alysse & Libby: Bios & LinkedIn
Connect with Us:
-Website: www.beatsworkingpodcast.com
-LinkedIn: @BEATS WORKING Show
-Instagram: @beatsworkingshow
-Facebook: @Beats Working Show
-YouTube: @BEATSWORKINGPODCAST
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Transcript
The following transcript is not certified. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. The information contained within this document is for general information purposes only.
Shari Leid [00:00:00]:
So I was trying to make sure that this didn’t become my 50 pound project. So I didn’t try the best of the best, but it was kind of interesting. You know, in some of the States, the women would always choose the place, and the food usually was a place in public. And the couple that stand out is. One woman thought in Maine that I should meet. I’m squeamish when it comes to food, but she thought I should meet my dinner before we ate it. So you met your lobster, I think that was.
Libby Sundgren [00:00:31]:
And then they threw them in the pot.
Shari Leid [00:00:33]:
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And I had to, you know, experience all that, and it was okay.
Alysse Bryson [00:00:42]:
Welcome to Beats Working Winning the Game of Events, where we share stories and strategies to turn any event or life moment into something unforgettable.
Libby Sundgren [00:00:52]:
Events are wild, and the people who work in them are some of the most resilient humans on earth. If you know, you know.
Alysse Bryson [00:00:59]:
So come with us behind the curtain for a look at their most memorable experiences.
Libby Sundgren [00:01:05]:
As they say, the show must go on. So let’s get on with the show.
Alysse Bryson [00:01:15]:
Welcome back to another episode of Beats Working Winning the Game of Events. My name is Elise Bryson, and I’m one of the co hosts here today with Libby Sundgren. And today’s guest is a connection creator, a friendship expert, and a author who’s dined with strangers. That’s right, strangers in all 50 states. And she did it on purpose. Meet Sherry Lead, former litigator turned national speaker, and founder of the Flip the Box movement. Through her retreats, podcast and viral TEDx talk. I’ve watched it twice.
Alysse Bryson [00:01:50]:
Sherry teaches us how to break free from the boxes that keep us stuck and design authentic connection, whether you’re planning an event or navigating real life. She’s the owner of an imperfectly perfect life and the heart behind a movement that’s now recognized with its own National Day, March 5th. If you’re tired of small talk and surface level networking, Sheri’s here to flip that script. Sheri, welcome to the show.
Shari Leid [00:02:17]:
Hi. Thank you. Thanks for that great introduction.
Alysse Bryson [00:02:19]:
I’m your hype girl. Are you hype girl?
Shari Leid [00:02:22]:
As you were talking, I was thinking, yep, I’ll sit down and eat with anybody.
Alysse Bryson [00:02:26]:
That’s right. I mean, I think I would. But let’s. Let’s just start there because. Okay, first of all, when I. When I. When I heard about your book and I understood the premise of it, before we even get into all the meat of that, I immediately thought of the logistics. How do you find the strangers? How did you schedule, like, what order of the states did you go in? Like, I have those kinds of questions.
Shari Leid [00:02:50]:
Yeah, it’s like planning events, you know, and I’m an event girl. I’ve planned parties and I haven’t done it for work, but I’m naturally wired to do events. I always say that in a previous life, I was like, I was a calendar because I like schedules and everything. I’m gonna use that. And so this was like planning an event. Right. I came up with an idea. I had the goal of going to all 50 states and meeting with strangers.
Shari Leid [00:03:15]:
And I had to figure out a timeline on how to do it and what I needed to do. And my biggest fear, like any event planner, was that somebody was going to stand me up. Like, I would travel to that place and I would get stood up, and there I was in West Virginia or whatever, trying to find somebody to eat with. So that was my biggest fear. And I know as event planners, you know, you hire your talent and you’re worried about them not showing up. So what do you do? So I really planned this project as if I were planning the biggest party in the world.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:45]:
That’s fascinating to me. And how. How did you find the strangers?
Shari Leid [00:03:51]:
Yeah, so I found the strangers first because my only. Well, because I was doing this travel on my own, I decided to meet with women. Otherwise it might have been a different project.
Alysse Bryson [00:04:00]:
And that could have been a reality TV show, though, Sheri.
Shari Leid [00:04:05]:
It could have gotten to be something more. But then I then. So I need to find the women first. My only criteria is that they communicate with me. So I ended up with women between the ages of 20s and 60s, different races, economic level, education levels, religious, political beliefs, different areas, big cities, small towns. 21. I got on my own. And these were people like, for instance, a podcaster that interviewed me that I had never met before.
Alysse Bryson [00:04:30]:
Okay.
Shari Leid [00:04:30]:
Or my website designer. She lives in Indiana. We never met or talked about our personal lives before. Then I reached out on social media, said, this is my project listed the states. People sent me their aunts, their former roommates. Yeah. And I had a big US map and I was circling, you know, where everyone was at. And then after I, you know, got.
Shari Leid [00:04:54]:
Oh, then I had 13 states left with nobody knew anybody in West Virginia. No one knew anybody in Oklahoma. And I cold called basically because I decided maybe at least if they’re business owners in the area, that’s why I decided to find them, that if they stand me up, I know where their business is and I will go and find them. So I reached out kind of cold, called to business owners and ended up with my list. It changed a little bit as I went along because this was a year long project so had to fill in some people. But it was okay because I met the right people at the right place and I got less scared about it as, you know, when little dips happened and that’s how it all kind of came together.
Libby Sundgren [00:05:40]:
Oh my gosh. I mean, I just think that that’s very brave because I don’t even want to, like, I’m not. Well, I’m just not like a networky kind of person. I get kind of shy. I kind of, you know, talk about the weather or something, which is so not exciting. So how do you, I mean, how did you decide what kinds of conversations you were going to have and how you’re going to keep that like the flow and the connection kind of going and developing throughout a dinner with a complete stranger?
Shari Leid [00:06:16]:
Well, this is the thing. As I was starting this project, I knew I was going to write a book about this. And because of my prior books, I knew that I was also going to try to get some media exposure as I traveled. So I would tell these women ahead of time, this is going to be a book. I might get some media. And so I thought the biggest objection would be, oh, thank you. But I’m a private person. But the one objection that happened more than once was I don’t know if I’m interesting enough for you.
Shari Leid [00:06:46]:
Yeah, yeah. And so I thought that was interesting. And you know, if we talk about like, you know, we, we talk about social situations or events that we create for people and our guests and our clients and their, their guests. And this is what’s going on in their minds. A lot of times when they come to events is am I going to be interesting enough or will I fit into. So true. You know, this new venue or, you know, you know, whatever place it was. So I thought that was really interesting that that would be someone’s first thought because here I am, just somebody with a personal project from Washington state.
Shari Leid [00:07:20]:
We’re just sitting down to share one meal and we’ve got something to do. Even if it’s awkward, we got, we get to eat. But you would think that it would be, you would not be interesting enough for me. Was somewhat heartbreaking. But this is what we all carry in these social situations.
Alysse Bryson [00:07:38]:
Yeah, yeah, that’s an, that’s a really interesting pattern. Were there. That would. That seems like a surprise to me. Were there any other surprises that you learned along the way.
Shari Leid [00:07:50]:
So I was meeting all these women, you know, pretty sequentially. And some we would sit down, it felt like we were best friends and we went to high school together. Others, it was a little bit harder to pull things back and forth. And so I started. I didn’t share with them. I started to make a list to, you know, like, what was this woman like, how old was she? You know, to see what my vibe was. Like, what do I like in a girlfriend? And I can tell both of you, as I sit here and look at the screen, I’m situated between you. Apparently, I really like blondes.
Alysse Bryson [00:08:20]:
I mean, we’re a lot of fun. Sherry. We’re a lot of fun.
Shari Leid [00:08:27]:
But, you know, that is true. But in all seriousness, what I found was when I, you know, I approach. You asked the question, how did these conversations start? I approach conversations in this project, and I do in general, with really real curiosity to learn about the other person. And I found that when I did that, oftentimes they would reflect or mirror back to me my behavior. And so we got into these conversations that were really quite deep for people just meeting each other. And when you eat your dopamine, you know, naturally kick in. So you’re eating food. If you watch my TEDx talk, eating food has always meant safety, survival, and belonging, you know, since the dawn of time.
Shari Leid [00:09:13]:
So this is such a great way to socialize with someone else. When our dopamine endorphins, everything good is already going on because we’re eating.
Alysse Bryson [00:09:23]:
Do you have a standout state that had, like, the best food of all the places that you went?
Shari Leid [00:09:29]:
So I was trying to make sure that this didn’t become my ¬£50 project. So I didn’t try the best of the best, but it was kind of interesting. You know, in some of the states, the women would always choose the place and the food. Usually it was a place in public. And the couple that stand out is one woman thought in Maine that I should meet. I’m squeamish when it comes to food. But she thought I should meet my dinner before we ate it. So.
Libby Sundgren [00:09:58]:
So you met your lobster, I think that was. And then they threw him in the pot.
Shari Leid [00:10:02]:
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And I had to, you know, experience all that, and it was okay. So that was interesting. Another one, which was West Virginia, apparently they have this thing that it’s like bread with pepperoni inside of it. And she was like, this is, you know, this is what. This is popular here.
Shari Leid [00:10:24]:
And there’s a name for it in my head, I’m Thinking, this is pigs in a blanket. But it was a. And she was like, no, no, it’s not. It’s a. It’s a bread roll with pepperoni.
Alysse Bryson [00:10:36]:
Okay, Okay.
Libby Sundgren [00:10:38]:
I mean, I don’t know. I’d eat it. Pretty good. To me.
Shari Leid [00:10:42]:
Yeah. Oh, it was great. It was excellent.
Libby Sundgren [00:10:44]:
West Virginia. They know how to do it.
Shari Leid [00:10:47]:
And I didn’t have to watch them.
Libby Sundgren [00:10:48]:
Kill the pepperoni, have to meet the pepperoni before it became pepperoni.
Alysse Bryson [00:10:53]:
Did you make any kind of connections with any of these women that you still communicate with today?
Shari Leid [00:11:00]:
Yes, a lot of them. In fact, I just spoke a few minutes ago to the woman from Boston, Tammy, that I met. So during this. During these travels, these were organic conversations. And for the most part, unless it happened to come up, I stayed away from religion and politics because that’s the polite thing to do when you just meet somebody before you build trust. So I told all of these women that at the end of this project, I will send out a survey and ask everybody what religious beliefs they have, what political beliefs they have, because I thought, well, that’d be kind of interesting to see who I sat down with. And I told them I would share this. Well, I did take that survey, but also during this time, I started to create zoom meetings so these women could meet.
Shari Leid [00:11:44]:
And we have these kind of zoom parties together. And so when I got the survey results back, I decided, I’m not going to share this, because I’m not going to ruin this connection that these women have by saying, this is what this person voted for. This is what church this other person goes to. And I had a book launch in New York where everyone wore black except for the women in the project. They wore red, so they were able to recognize each other right away. And it was just the most beautiful thing to see all these women hugging each other like they were the best of friends, just laughing together, where I knew there’s no way this woman over here would have even crossed paths with this other woman over here. And here they are toasting and laughing together. I mean, there’s something really magical about it.
Libby Sundgren [00:12:35]:
I know. That makes me feel a little teary.
Alysse Bryson [00:12:39]:
Warm fuzzies.
Shari Leid [00:12:40]:
Yeah. Yeah, It’s. You know, it seriously was America at its best. I mean, all these diverse faces and different life experiences, just wearing the same color dress and recognizing each other and hugging each other and.
Libby Sundgren [00:12:56]:
What a cool event.
Alysse Bryson [00:12:59]:
Yeah, I remember seeing the photos for that and the videos, I think. But, yeah, I do remember that. So you say. You said, don’t wait. Create. How can event Planners design intentional communities from the moment the invitation lands in somebody’s inbox or snail mail. Like, how can event planners take what you’ve learned and create meaningful connections, whatever scale of event they’re producing?
Shari Leid [00:13:31]:
I think because of my experience and not even doing this as a professional, I understand how difficult the job is. And especially if you’re doing event after event after event, it’s so easy to, and you’re dealing with all these different personalities and schedules and people showing up. I think it’s very easy to forget the client and forget the message that they’re trying to and the experience they’re trying to give their guests. Because you’re going through these checklists and you’re going making sure vendors here, vendor is there. So I think just from my layperson’s view, what an event planner could do to change the, to really change the event is the pre planning to really understand and put somewhere. This is what I do when I speak. So I’m a professional speaker and so I work with event planners and I do and I offer unlimited pre planning sessions because I think that’s so important to be part of their team as well. Even though you go in there to speak for maybe 45 minutes and I will put on a sticky note as the event comes on my, my computer, what the mission is of the event, what’s the mission of that organization.
Shari Leid [00:14:40]:
So I keep that top of mind because that’s the vibe and the experience I’m going to bring in. And so as event planners, it’s so easy to get caught up in all the different to do things and lose the mission and the focus and the vibe. There’s something very powerful about the energy you can bring as an event planner. I, you’re the leader, you know, going into it and just remembering that client’s mission and the energy and who you want. And that also leads you to put who you want at what door and what sequence of events you have, because you’ll remember the vibe that that client wants to have for their guests to come in and that experience and you won’t get lost in the, okay, first we have to do it this way, this way, this way. Because this is the way I always do it.
Libby Sundgren [00:15:29]:
I know it can be hard sometimes when you have a, you know, a way that you do things and you’re like, no, I, I know it’s gonna work. It’s sometimes hard to shift that shift that, you know, depend, like if you, like you said, based on the needs of a specific client or a, you know, an audience, it can sometimes be hard to take your blinders off and, you know, adjust the way that you’re working.
Shari Leid [00:15:56]:
And a lot of events, you know, we don’t wait, create. You said a lot of the event planners, you have more experience than the person whose event it is. And so many times we, in general, we don’t share our experience because we think, oh, we don’t want to step on toes. This is the way they’ve always done it. And what’s the worst that can happen? They say no to your idea. But, you know, for example, sometimes I emcee. I do emcee work, and I always think it’s great if I’m able to go out before the event starts and start doing my MC work. Maybe at least you have the same experience and start talking to people that are walking in and get the.
Shari Leid [00:16:32]:
And get control of that energy of people coming in. And there are some clients that go, no, we don’t want you talking to anybody before. You know, and they don’t know what to do with it. Right, they don’t know what to do with it. But, you know, don’t wait. Create. Get those ideas out there. You know, make it.
Shari Leid [00:16:47]:
Make it exciting for you. If you find that you’re getting so tired of the events, you know, you got went into this profession because you’re good at it, because you want to do this, and you find that it’s weighing you down, maybe it’s because the creative nature of you is being stuffed down and you’re not sharing these amazing ideas you have that could elevate your client’s experience. So don’t wait.
Libby Sundgren [00:17:07]:
Creative, you know, and you just. You don’t know what. You don’t know. Like, we. I remember the first. Elise, you remember this, the first cocktail competition that we planned. Mai Thai Masters. And this was, I mean, almost.
Libby Sundgren [00:17:25]:
Almost decades ago at this point. But we had never done one before. Cocktail combinations were still, like, kind of new ish. They weren’t really super common. And we just didn’t. We didn’t know, you know, we’d never done it before. And so at one point, all of the. All of the mixologists were revolting, and they wrote, like, a letter.
Libby Sundgren [00:17:47]:
It was an email, but a email signed by all of them to our food editor saying, we will not do this unless, like, these demands are met. That’s not really. But that was kind of the vibe. And we were like, oh, my gosh, of course. Yes, yes, we’ll do all these things. We had no idea. Like, we’re Sorry you’re so upset.
Alysse Bryson [00:18:08]:
We would know.
Libby Sundgren [00:18:09]:
Of course, we don’t know what we’re doing, so we’re just trying to figure it out. So, yes, we’ll take your expertise. So sometimes it is nice for other people and, you know, for the event professional to let their client know, give them some fresh ideas.
Shari Leid [00:18:25]:
And I think what brings. What brings an event professional, what makes them stand out in this game, and I’ve hired event professionals as well, is the research that they do. The event professionals that know the audience that’s coming in and they know the organization they can stand out, versus the other events professionals that, you know, are kind of cookie cut. It’s like going to. It’s like going to a hairstylist or a makeup artist in the sense that the ones that are really good, they know how to read the. You know, they know how to read that person. They’re not just doing what they did in school. That’s why I think of somebody who creates these amazing events.
Shari Leid [00:19:01]:
They really know the audience coming in. They do their research.
Alysse Bryson [00:19:04]:
Well, it’s that unreasonable hospitality like the book. It’s the surprise and delight. Like, when Libby and I went and did a photo shoot for this podcast, we use a hair and makeup gal that she’s known forever and worked with. But I hadn’t met her before. If I had, I didn’t remember it. And. But I know I hadn’t worked with her. And not only did she make us look fabulous, which is great, every woman wants to feel like they look their best in a photo shoot, but she was in between.
Alysse Bryson [00:19:31]:
While she wasn’t doing anything, she was taking all this social media content for us. And I was like, this is amazing. You know, like. And that wasn’t an expectation. And so it’s. It’s. That’s just a silly example of, like, going above and beyond to make sure the people in the room feel like you wanted them there and, like, that they’re important. So I guess, what are some tangible ways that you ensure people aren’t just in a room at an event and are actually connecting? Like, do you have any tips or tricks?
Shari Leid [00:20:05]:
When I’ve thrown large parties and what I’ve done is I’ve kind of made something for everybody. You know, I’m a big. You know, of course this comes from parties. This is not necessarily fundraisers, and we all do different things. But I think of, okay, what would the introvert like? What type of booth would the introvert. What was the one that wants a selfie? Okay, we have to make sure. We have a selfie station here with a logo because there’s probably a brand here that we want to promote. Right.
Shari Leid [00:20:31]:
For free advertising. And you know, oh, there’s dancers over here. We want to have a dance floor, but we also want to have seating around the dance floor for the non dancers so they can feel close enough and included, but not so far away. It’s like trying to get a place for everybody involved. And who are all your. Are there older people there? How are they going to walk in? Where do they want to sit? Oh, they want to sit away from the music or do they want to sit closer to the stage and just trying to think who are these people here and how can I make everyone feel comfortable? And the truth is, you’re not ice cream people aren’t going to all be happy. But if we think these things through, like you said, it’s the surprises. We all remember those big parties that we’ve gone to that just wowed us.
Shari Leid [00:21:21]:
And honestly, it wasn’t like I probably couldn’t tell you necessarily what was on the menu that was amazing or even every single decoration and detail, but it was the way that event made me feel. And that feeling comes from knowing that it was well thought out. It was well thought out and I felt like they knew that I was coming there.
Libby Sundgren [00:21:41]:
Yeah. It’s nice to go into an event and, and feel like it was a little part of it was designed just for you, even if it. It really wasn’t, you know.
Shari Leid [00:21:52]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you know, into. If you have, you know, the luxury of having greeters or vendors there, if there’s some that are a little bit more talkative to some of the guests that have difficult time speaking or communicating, that’s. That’s always helpful. And food that’s easy to access because when you do feel uncomfortable, even if, like you’re a non drinker, you want to have something in your hand, right. You just want to. So you’re not sitting there pretending to fiddle on your phone.
Alysse Bryson [00:22:19]:
Just anything to keep hands busy.
Libby Sundgren [00:22:21]:
Really use the hands.
Shari Leid [00:22:24]:
Yeah, yeah. Because we all see them, right? The person who stands at the end of a, you know, at the edge of an event and they look like they don’t know where to land at the event and we don’t want that type of energy, you know, we.
Alysse Bryson [00:22:37]:
I don’t remember where we found him, but we ended up hiring him for a handful of events. It was a guy that would come dressed as a very stylish police officer, but he would give out fashion citations like the fashion police. But instead of it being like, get a nose job or something, you know, mean. It wasn’t mean. It would be. It would. It was all really nice things like best spot smile, best energy, best shoes. Like, it was all things that would.
Alysse Bryson [00:23:06]:
When somebody. And people loved it.
Libby Sundgren [00:23:09]:
It was cute.
Alysse Bryson [00:23:10]:
Right.
Libby Sundgren [00:23:10]:
Because we had him in we. The events. The first event we had him at there was a huge like freight elevator. And that’s how people got between the two floors. And so, you know, freight elevators are not fast. You’re kind of in. That’s a five minute commitment to get in, shut all the doors, go up. It goes so slow.
Libby Sundgren [00:23:31]:
Then you have to open it. So we had him in the elevator for half of the party. And it was really fun because he.
Shari Leid [00:23:36]:
Would give you a citation in the.
Libby Sundgren [00:23:38]:
Elevator because there was nothing to do in there.
Shari Leid [00:23:41]:
That is so good because you have, you know, you’re contained and people have to talk to each other. And he’s facilitating it and that’s how the party starts. That is such an excellent idea.
Alysse Bryson [00:23:51]:
Well, we. And the. And the citations were cute.
Libby Sundgren [00:23:53]:
They were. We designed them. So.
Shari Leid [00:23:55]:
Yeah, they weren’t mean.
Alysse Bryson [00:23:57]:
Yeah, they were cute. They were cute in design. They were cute. What they said. I mean, the whole thing was meant to be a feel good. And I just remember like all the. Everybody was taking selfies with him. Everybody wanted.
Libby Sundgren [00:24:07]:
He was a trooper.
Alysse Bryson [00:24:08]:
Fashion police. Yeah, it was really. That was really fun.
Shari Leid [00:24:13]:
I think one of the most amazing things about event professionals now during this time is I talk about connection a lot outside of events, just connection. How we need connection. And event planners, people creating these events have this unique ability to bring people together. And I strongly believe that our generation needs to teach the next generation how to connect. And yes, because they’re not used to connecting.
Alysse Bryson [00:24:38]:
They’re used to being behind a screen.
Shari Leid [00:24:41]:
Yes. And we’ve done such a good job teaching them how to disconnect and so to come up with these new ideas in these different ways and put them in that free elevator.
Alysse Bryson [00:24:51]:
Well, and you know, not everything works. I remember, and this is again more than a decade ago, but when, you know, you’d be at a gala or a fundraiser and the silent auction, they tried to move everything to everybody’s phones instead of the bidding sheets. And it was a terrible idea because then everybody was just looking at their phone. Nobody was talking to each other. The photographers hated it because the pictures were awful, you know, and so it was like, no, that’s actually not the best way. You know, so I think there’s A lot of you try a lot of things and see what does and doesn’t work.
Shari Leid [00:25:24]:
That’s a. That’s a really good point. You know, and even I was just at a conference this past week and there was a silent auction. This is kind of funny. I just got noticed. I won one of the items, but I didn’t recognize. But check this out. I didn’t recognize the charity.
Shari Leid [00:25:37]:
The charity. I signed up at somebody else’s table, so I did. On a silent auction. That wasn’t the organization. Apparently the organized. The organization used the online thing and I didn’t get the memo, and I saw a silent auction table, so I bid and apparently I donated to a.
Libby Sundgren [00:25:55]:
Okay, well, that’s okay. That’s a good job.
Shari Leid [00:26:00]:
That’s the first time I attended a silent auction. I was putting on the wrong place.
Alysse Bryson [00:26:05]:
Oops.
Libby Sundgren [00:26:06]:
Oh, it’s all for a good cause. It’s all going to a good place.
Shari Leid [00:26:10]:
It’s all. It’s all for a good cause. But if they had their tables out there and it wasn’t on an app that I had to figure out how to download and quietly bid on myself, I, you know, they would have. It wouldn’t have gone to the children.
Alysse Bryson [00:26:24]:
So how do you. After the hugs and the applause and the last selfie has been taken, what can people do to keep the community, to keep the connections going after an event is over?
Shari Leid [00:26:36]:
Well, it depends probably on the organization, right? How. What they. What they’ll allow. But, you know, I love, like, for instance, this conference I just went to. We’re, you know, LinkedIn, connecting and all these things. So maybe, I mean, I don’t know. You guys know this better than I do. I always like the after party.
Shari Leid [00:26:53]:
Right? Everybody loves an after party. With social media, you could have an after party event where people just log on and do something. But also, you know, at this conference, we were all exchanging our contact information. I don’t know if there’s a way to do that at events, but it was nice. It was nice. And now, you know, I booked a couple of podcast people from that, and we’re talking about what we’re doing. And we wouldn’t have but for the after party that we’re having now.
Alysse Bryson [00:27:22]:
Was that the one that you were at? That was the one you were with Dana. Yep, yep.
Shari Leid [00:27:26]:
The goodie bags, man. I’m a favor of a goodie bag. A goodie bag.
Alysse Bryson [00:27:30]:
Well, a good goodie bag. I don’t like a bad goodie bag, to be clear. Yeah, but a good goodie bag Is.
Shari Leid [00:27:36]:
That tell us about how to connect afterwards and how to continue the party. Not just the cookie at the end of the night, but there’s something there to say how to connect or, you know, if you had fun. A big thing too is testimonials. You know, if you had fun, get a free download. But we need our testimonials too. And bringing off everyone together.
Libby Sundgren [00:27:56]:
I know we do.
Alysse Bryson [00:27:57]:
What. What’s the coolest swag bag item you’ve ever been gifted?
Shari Leid [00:28:03]:
Ooh, probably a cookie.
Alysse Bryson [00:28:05]:
Actually, speaking of cookies, it’s immediate.
Shari Leid [00:28:10]:
End of the night, I’m like, oh, my God. Gosh, these cookies, you know, the best swag. Oh, yeah. In Napa, there’s like a. I’m going to pronounce it wrong because I’m not fancy. Baccarat. Baccarat. Crystal drinking glass, I guess.
Shari Leid [00:28:26]:
I guess that’s the biggest swag. On one hand it was, but on the other hand, I only have one and so it looks kind of lame. You know, just me, I’m just drinking by myself.
Alysse Bryson [00:28:37]:
Yeah, yeah.
Shari Leid [00:28:39]:
You know, it’s like now I’m moving to Dallas and my moving one glass with me. So I don’t know, the cookie probably satisfied me more than this one glass, but in like, cost value wise, probably the fanciest. Yeah, yeah. But probably what’s costing me emotionally to have to wrap it up and carry.
Alysse Bryson [00:28:58]:
It with me everywhere.
Shari Leid [00:28:59]:
Probably getting emotional.
Libby Sundgren [00:29:03]:
So Elise touched on this earlier, but I want to talk about flipping the box and your nationally recognized day. I just think that’s so amazing that you turned a personal mission into a movement and something that other people can share. I want to know what that was like and what lessons that event pros can take from your experience doing something like that.
Shari Leid [00:29:32]:
So it’s called flip the box because A quick backstory. I was orphaned as a child and I was found in a cardboard box. So I don’t know my birthday to any identifying information. So all my life I’ve been looking for this feeling of connection and belonging. And my travels around the U.S. i found that sense of self and belonging. And what I realized is I had symbolically taken the box I was founded and flipped it and made it a table for connection and belonging. And that’s where the term flip the box comes in.
Shari Leid [00:30:04]:
And March 5th is simply a day that encourages people to sit down and share a meal with a long lost friend, a stranger, somebody that you haven’t connected with for a while. Now. This is me doing this as an idea in my head. And I always say it’s easy to make ugly pretty. It’s really hard to make perfect any better. So when I come up with that idea, I just go with it. And just like I have a podcast and if you listen to my first few episodes, it sounds like I’m locked in a basement room, hostage situation, trying to get out. Yeah, yeah.
Alysse Bryson [00:30:41]:
Nobody feels good about their first couple episodes. Yeah, nobody. Nobody feels good about them. Nope.
Shari Leid [00:30:46]:
And so, and now I’m, I’m getting into YouTube, right? And I was kind of like, we’ll see if anyone watches this. But it’s, you know, when you have an idea, if it’s ugly, that’s okay because you could make it prettier. So my advice from my experience with Flip the Box. And yeah, now it’s recognized as a national movement. I’ve been featured on different television shows, media, on your podcast. And this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t start when it was ugly because I had some frickin idea. So for event planners, you have an idea, it might seem impossible or like maybe people won’t like that. Just start ugly.
Shari Leid [00:31:25]:
You could always switch it prettier.
Libby Sundgren [00:31:26]:
Just get started.
Alysse Bryson [00:31:28]:
Well, I love that you have to start before you’re ready. First of all, like you, you definitely do. And you know, another segment that we do here that this kind of feels like a good transition now is it ain’t bragging if it’s true. And you know, you took an idea and you took a painful part of your life and a searching and you flipped it and you, and you made something amazing out of it, right? And so you got Getty Images to show up at your New York City book launch. Like that’s not an easy feat. Like they don’t just. Getty images doesn’t just go anywhere, right? Like that’s pretty cool. Like, that’s a pretty, pretty cool thing.
Alysse Bryson [00:32:10]:
So I mean, and you talked a little bit about that event with the women in the red dresses. And I know I saw footage of it, but like, what was that like planning that event and then how did you feel when you walked in the doors? I just would love to hear a little more details about that event specifically.
Shari Leid [00:32:29]:
So this was my big, big event. I love throwing parties. So it felt like a natural fit. But I actually started Ugly where I thought, okay, Soho House in New York. It’s kind of, it’s a funky room, I don’t need to do much to it. But then my event planning, like, I want to be an event planner in my heart. I really do. I just Never have done it except for my own parties.
Shari Leid [00:32:50]:
And so my event planning heart said, no, it has to be more. And so I started adding on more as we went along. And pre sween napkins had different states on them that matched the appetizers. And I did hire an event planner over there. Shoots. I can’t think of her name off the top of my head, but she was absolutely amazing. If her name comes to me, I will tell you because she deserves credit. We can put it in the show notes.
Alysse Bryson [00:33:15]:
Yeah, she can put it in the show notes.
Shari Leid [00:33:16]:
Okay. Okay, I will email it to you. Because she came in towards the last minute and she does, you know, pretty weddings usually, you know, and big stuff as she came in. And she had some great, great, great ideas. But so planning it up to the point, you know, like anything else. Oh, that vendor costs a little bit of money, this vendor. But the experience everybody had at the end, even down to. So my book table for 51.
Shari Leid [00:33:42]:
She thought of the idea of putting in note cards that say postcards, will you do lunch? Let’s have brunch. Just these extra little details that didn’t cost that much extra in the grand scheme. Everybody’s drinking bill. That was an expensive time. I really. Yeah, I didn’t realize. I didn’t realize those were the friends I had. But, but the little postcards, they weren’t as much, but they added that extra detail where people are like, they pick up the book, they look, they have the postcards.
Shari Leid [00:34:10]:
It’s like, oh, you know, ribbons on the post, on the books. Just, oh, just these little extra things. And I had no idea. But there was some media there and ended up in Us Weekly.
Libby Sundgren [00:34:23]:
That is so wild.
Alysse Bryson [00:34:24]:
I was like, yeah, I was telling everybody. I know. I’m like, I have a friend at Us Weekly. Just wanted to let you know.
Shari Leid [00:34:31]:
And so, you know, and people covered it and you. And so it’s just crazy. And this comes from, you know, this all for me started after age 50, right. So one, it’s not too late to. I still may do that event planning career.
Libby Sundgren [00:34:44]:
You know what I think you’re, you’re. You may not do it, you know, at a 09 to 5, but you do plan events. And I mean planning 50 dinners or 50, you know, that’s. That’s a lot.
Alysse Bryson [00:35:00]:
Yeah, yeah, that, that’s a lot.
Shari Leid [00:35:02]:
You know, I’m going to do retreats in, in Dallas. So that’ll be my. That’ll give me my event planning. I don’t want to say fix, but there is something There that I know if people are in this profession, they’ve been in a while there, there’s this joy that comes from creating something and bringing people together like that. And that’s what I felt as I was creating that event that night. You know, I, I’m, you know, looking through everything and everything is spot on. I have the right people in the right places. My DJ was so good, so cool.
Shari Leid [00:35:34]:
I told him, he said, what kind of music do you want me to do? You want me to play? I said, well, you know, think of, think of if you, if you play. He was this black man from Africa. I said, if you ever DJ for a wedding party full of middle aged white people, that’s the music I want for this book launch.
Alysse Bryson [00:35:52]:
He’s like, I know it.
Shari Leid [00:35:52]:
Everyone loved the 90s hits. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it just, it just, it felt so good. And I danced, you know, so I had somebody announce me. I danced out there. But it was just beautiful to see all the people that flown in and all the women who. There’s so many women from the book that had never been to New York before that had, you know, never put on a red dress before. And there are women there that when they sat with me, they had never sat down with an Asian person before.
Shari Leid [00:36:22]:
And so there were these women that were going, coming out of their comfort zone to celebrate my moment with me, but it was also a moment for all of them because this was not just something new for me, this was new for every woman who agreed to sit down and share a meal with me.
Alysse Bryson [00:36:36]:
Well, and that’s that, that’s what women do. You know, there, there’s. I know that there can be a lot of catty women and the Karens of the world, if you will, but there are so many other women that, that do lean in and do show up for each other, even when they’re complete strangers. I mean, that’s just been my experience. You just have to know where to look.
Shari Leid [00:37:00]:
The south is a good place to look, by the way. At least I guess we don’t. They’ll say, yes, ma’, am, and they’re on it.
Alysse Bryson [00:37:10]:
So what’s next? You see, you’re moving, you’re relocating to Dallas, which is very sad for me and Sarah because now we won’t be able to see you as easily. We’ll still see you, but what’s next? Where do you, where do you see all of this going?
Shari Leid [00:37:24]:
Yes, well, it’s so interesting, you know, I. At the end of this project, I ended up divorced it’s not because of this project, but this project actually gave me strength to recognize what I needed to close the door. And I swear, every time I close the door, doors open to everything I’ve prayed for. And this is happening time and time again. So next is now. I’ve, I’ve dove, dove directly into the professional speaking. I should learn that word if I’m going to be a professional speaker. But into that.
Shari Leid [00:37:56]:
And my goal is, by the time I’m 60, is to speak in, do a keynote in every single state. And I’m not going to make it like a project like this, but my goal is to help create connection. That’s why I feel like I’m here to do. And if I speak in every single state about connection, I think I’ve done my work and I could retire. So that’s what I’m going into. I’m also, I mentioned creating retreats for women in Dallas. Three day retreat. I say other retreats take you away.
Shari Leid [00:38:23]:
This one is designed to bring you back home. Home. And so you can write the, you know, write your story. Because so many of us live a story, other people told us how to live and we don’t even realize that whether it’s our moms or our parents or society. So those are the next things. I might find love in Dallas. We’ll see. But that’s something else.
Shari Leid [00:38:40]:
That’s on the checklist. But yeah, it’s. Well, if I wait long enough.
Alysse Bryson [00:38:47]:
I would watch, I would. The ratings would soar. Ratings would soar.
Shari Leid [00:38:54]:
Let’s hope my kids don’t have to watch that. Let’s hope I find love before then.
Alysse Bryson [00:39:00]:
Well, I think one thing is clear is that you found love for yourself, which is really important and you found love for other women. And most importantly, you found love for building connection and community. And at the end of the day, that’s what events are. Whether it’s one person sitting across from another person at a dinner table or it’s 3,000 people tearing it up on a dance floor. Like that’s connection. That’s what we’re here for.
Shari Leid [00:39:24]:
Absolutely. And it just, you know, they always relate it to your health and living longer. One last story. When I traveled to Arizona, I met a 94 year old woman, Betty. And of course all of her friends were younger, but what she did is she lived on top of a hill. People hiked by and she would invite them in and talk to them. And this is something she’s done all of her life. So I think when people are afraid to Go to events, they’re afraid to talk to somebody.
Shari Leid [00:39:51]:
I always think of Betty, the joy of living older to that age is not that we lose everyone, but we have more of an opportunity to make friends. But this has to start now. We can’t just all of a sudden start when we’re in her 90s, going to the events and hanging up on the dance floor. We have to start now, even if we might feel a little bit awkward at first. You’re not alone. Remember all the women who told me, oh, I don’t know if I’m interesting enough for you. The awkwardness, we all carry it. It’s just stepping out of your comfort zone.
Shari Leid [00:40:20]:
It gets easier over time.
Alysse Bryson [00:40:22]:
Well, you know, I just returned from a cruise to Alaska that I was on, and I hosted five different events on the cruise. And something that I noticed, I’d never been on a cruise before. Not sure if I will again. I mean, I had a good time. It’s just a very different experience, cruising. But what I noticed is, you know, cruises, they may have 2,800 passengers or guests, but they have a staff of like 1400, 1500. And I kept noticing how ignored they were and how people wouldn’t look them in the eye, wouldn’t talk to them, just kind of ignored them when they were there unless they directly needed something. And it bothered me.
Alysse Bryson [00:41:05]:
And so I just. Wherever I went, no matter where I was on that cruise ship, I was just. They all had name tags, so I was just, you know, using everybody’s name and looking them in the eye and just making friends left and right. And one of the events was. Ended up being my 50th birthday party. And because it was on a smaller event, you know, the crew that was there working, the DJ and the bartenders, everybody that was working, they ended up as part of the party. They’re in all the pictures. Like, we just had so much fun together and.
Alysse Bryson [00:41:36]:
And I don’t know if The Elise of 10 years ago or 20 years ago would have done that, right? So I think there is something magical about as you get older, you get more comfortable in your own skin and you realize that we all have more in common than we are different. And we’re all a little nervous and awkward at an event, right?
Shari Leid [00:41:57]:
Yeah, yeah, definitely. We all are. Most extroverted ones, you know, are uncomfortable too, to, you know, some extent. So, yeah, we’re all the same. You know, we all just wanna. We just all want our favorite song to come on and, you know, wait here to hit the dance floor. When that comes on, you know, what.
Alysse Bryson [00:42:17]:
Is your favorite song? What’s as we. As we wind down here, what’s your favorite song? What gets you out to the dance floor, like in a hot second?
Shari Leid [00:42:24]:
What doesn’t get me out to. You know, I like Jodeci’s Let’s Get Married. I like the beat on that.
Alysse Bryson [00:42:30]:
Oh, that’s a good one.
Shari Leid [00:42:31]:
Do you know that’s a good one. Yeah, yeah, I like the beat on that one. I don’t like like the Abba songs, but I will still dance. Yeah, I like. I like beat.
Alysse Bryson [00:42:40]:
You know, I. Libby, what’s yours? What’ll get you out on the dance floor?
Libby Sundgren [00:42:44]:
Oh my gosh. I mean all of them. I was on the bomb squad in college. I don’t know if you know this, but we were. We were like a hip hop party dance team that we sure did.
Alysse Bryson [00:43:02]:
We sure did.
Libby Sundgren [00:43:03]:
On the basketball court at Gonzaga, we had some alumni wives complaining we really did it upright. So you know anything. Let’s remember routines, but only little snippets. My knees probably couldn’t take it anymore, but I’ll try.
Alysse Bryson [00:43:30]:
Well, this has been so much fun and we’ll include everything in the show notes. But Sherry, where can our very many, many, many listeners find you?
Shari Leid [00:43:39]:
Well, my website is. It’s a long one. It’s an imperfectly perfect life.com or my name. I’m on every social. It’s Sherry. Lead s h h A R I and last name is Lead L E I D as in David.
Alysse Bryson [00:43:56]:
Amazing.
Libby Sundgren [00:43:57]:
Yeah. Or go to a retreat, people. Come on.
Shari Leid [00:44:01]:
Yes.
Libby Sundgren [00:44:02]:
Well, that is a wrap for this episode of Beats Working. If you’ve got an idea or you want to reach out, just email us at infoatsworking Show. Remember, every detail matters, every moment counts, and no matter what, the show must go on.
Alysse Bryson [00:44:18]:
Thanks for listening to Beats Working. Winning the game of events where we explore what it takes to make moments unforgettable.
Libby Sundgren [00:44:25]:
If you’re leaving with a little more inspiration, a little more perspective, and a big sideache from all of the laughing at our funny jokes, then we’ve done our job.
Alysse Bryson [00:44:34]:
Beats Working is a work P2P production. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review us on your favorite, favorite podcast platforms.
Libby Sundgren [00:44:44]:
Your support helps us keep the magic going.
