Episode Summary:
Join hosts Alysse Bryson and Libby Sundgren and sit down with Dele Downs Kooley — speaker coach, personal brand strategist, Amazon #1 bestselling author and former Microsoft culture leader. Dele unpacks the importance of owning your voice, building presence and leading with confidence, especially in high-performance and events-driven environments. She shares actionable strategies for overcoming fear of failure, developing your “why,” and amplifying your message both on stage and behind the scenes.
Takeaways:
- Set Boundaries for Self-Care: Prioritizing yourself enables you to better serve your team, clients and audience.
- Own Your Story: Your career path, no matter how winding, becomes a unique asset when you embrace it fully.
- Red/Yellow/Green Framework: Use this tool to map out and strengthen relationships vital to achieving event and career goals.
- Connect to Your “Why”: Grounding your work in deeper purpose not only fuels perseverance but also enhances event impact.
- Amplify Your Message: Don’t let a great talk end on stage — repurpose and extend its reach through podcasts, writing and workshops.
Timestamps:
[00:00] – Dele’s self-care story: boundaries and reframing “selfishness”
[09:26] – Why high performers (and event planners) can feel stuck using their voice
[12:18] – The “red/yellow/green” tool for professional relationship mapping
[16:38] – Navigating feedback and gender biases when claiming your wins
[18:41] – Turning criticism into clarity: the power of knowing your “why”
[22:33] – Applying voice ownership to event planning and event marketing
[25:53] – Crafting and sharing your “why” for authentic event experiences
[28:01] – Behind the scenes: coaching TEDx speakers to shine on stage
[43:50] – Strategies to keep your story alive after the big event or talk
Resources & Links:
-Dele Downs Kooley: LinkedIn
-Dele Kooley Coaching: Website, Facebook, Instagram
–Dele’s Thrive Speaker Program
-Podcast: “Pivot to Joy”
-Book: “Inspiring Women Professionals Who Boss Up”
-Learn more about publishing your story with Amy Liz Harrison
-Alysse & Libby: Bios & LinkedIn
Connect with Us:
-Website: www.beatsworkingpodcast.com
-LinkedIn: @BEATS WORKING Show
-Instagram: @beatsworkingshow
-Facebook: @Beats Working Show
-YouTube: @BEATSWORKINGPODCAST
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Transcript
The following transcript is not certified. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. The information contained within this document is for general information purposes only.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:00:00]:
I had an assistant one time that said I was the most selfish person she’d ever met. And I looked at her and I said, thank you. I think your face. Thank you. I said thank you. And I think she was blown away because of my response. Well, in order for me to say thank you to that, I had to be clear on why was she saying that. She was saying it because I would let the nanny keep the kids for a couple extra hours so that I could go and have some self care, work out, spend time with a friend, whatever it was.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:00:37]:
And I was prioritizing myself over other things. I had to be okay with that in order to receive the feedback from the person that was saying, you’re selfish. I wasn’t selfish. I was prioritizing making sure that my oxygen mass was on on first so that I can be a better employee, leader, parents, friend to all of the people in my life.
Alysse Bryson [00:01:08]:
Welcome to Beats Working Winning the Game of Events, where we share stories and strategies to turn any event or life moment into something unforgettable.
Libby Sundgren [00:01:18]:
Events are wild and the people who work in them are some of the most resilient humans. Humans on earth. If you know, you know.
Alysse Bryson [00:01:26]:
So come with us behind the curtain for a look at their most memorable experiences.
Libby Sundgren [00:01:31]:
As they say, the show must go on. So let’s get on with the show.
Alysse Bryson [00:01:42]:
Welcome back to another episode of Beats Working Winning the Game of Events. Today’s guest is no stranger to the show. She’s part of the fun table. So you know her, you love her. Dele Downs Kooley is with us again today and we are so excited to talk to her one on one because she is here to remind us that owning your voice is the first step to leading with impact. Dele is a speaker coach, a personal brand strategist, and the founder of Delhi Kooley Coaching and Consulting. She’s also, wait for it. An Amazon number one bestseller author and a former corporate culture leader at Microsoft.
Alysse Bryson [00:02:32]:
Her specialty, besides hanging out with me and Libby, it’s helping high performers, especially women, get clear on their message, build authentic connection and and show up with confidence, whether it’s on a TEDx stage or in the boardroom. She’s here today to talk about what it really takes to build presence, speak with power, and make sure your voice gets heard. Dele, welcome to the show.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:03:00]:
Hello. Hello.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:01]:
I’m Francesca and the crowd goes wild.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:03:04]:
With my fun table people.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:06]:
Fun table.
Libby Sundgren [00:03:08]:
Just an intimate table for three here.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:12]:
We have so much fun. There’s just not room for anybody else at the time. Table so much fun.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:03:17]:
Only today though, because we are inclusive.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:20]:
So Dele, I’m trying to remember, were you at Microsoft when we first met back in the day or were you at Expedia? Where were you when we met?
Dele Downs Kooley [00:03:31]:
When we first met? Because I remember this is the. We have a friend in common, Kristen, who is also a fun table member.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:39]:
Also a fun tabler.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:03:40]:
Yes. And you walked into very much like Kristen walked into Kristin’s house. We were having a gathering and that was the first time I met you. And I was like, this woman is cool. We have to be friends. Oh, let’s do it. Your meet cute story.
Alysse Bryson [00:03:56]:
I love it.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:03:57]:
Yes, they’re all really cute. And I was at Amazon at the time. I spent five years, five years time hard served at Amazon. And that’s my.
Alysse Bryson [00:04:10]:
I guess in my mind I feel like I’ve known you longer than I have then.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:04:14]:
Well, it was bookended because I worked at Microsoft and I had probably just left and was transitioning to Amazon when we met and then went back to Microsoft because I do love both cultures. We’re important in my own journey. So that’s when we met.
Alysse Bryson [00:04:33]:
But you, you also have a very interesting background of professions and locations that you lived around the globe. You’re a very eclectic gal, I would like to say.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:04:46]:
I collect locations like you collect tchotchkes. And I love both a lot.
Alysse Bryson [00:04:52]:
That’s a lot.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:04:54]:
Yes, yes. And that used to be a thing for me because it was almost a point of shame for me at one point in time. And this was part of my journey from okay, you have to stop hiding, to owning my voice and being confident. It was owning my story. So I was born in Jamaica. My parents, Ross Fern, reggae musician, Playboy bunny model. That’s how they met in Jamaica.
Alysse Bryson [00:05:25]:
Good story, by the way.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:05:27]:
Really.
Libby Sundgren [00:05:27]:
That’s.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:05:29]:
She lived in Bob Marley’s house. Gorgeous. But.
Libby Sundgren [00:05:33]:
But like, wow, what a fascinating origin story.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:05:38]:
I always say, when that’s the start, does it actually get any more interesting than that? Well, I don’t know that it got more interesting, but we went from Jamaica to Kansas of all places, went to school in Kansas. I know every winter I question why are we here? Because if we were shooting for America, we way overshot. And from Kansas met my husband, who is my ex husband, the father of my children, who was active duty military. He was in the Air Force. Big part of the community in Kansas was the Air force base. I worked there as a civilian, traveled with my ex husband raising our children for 20 years and visited a lot of really Cool places. Lived in Arizona, Italy, Germany. Mountain Home, Idaho was a very brief stopover.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:06:33]:
My favorite souvenir from there was my youngest child.
Alysse Bryson [00:06:39]:
Collectible.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:06:40]:
Yeah. Moved from. I collected a couple kewpie dolls, one from Italy, my son and then my youngest from Mountain Home, Idaho, and moved from Germany to the Pacific Northwest. We actually flew in on a C17. That was an adventure all by itself. So lots of adventures, lots of really great stories. And when you move that much, you’re constantly reinventing yourself because maybe what you had available to you previously is no longer available at the new place. Like I said, spent years in emergency communications.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:07:19]:
You can’t work in a high pressure environment dealing with emergencies if you can’t communicate. So I, I couldn’t do those things in Italy or Germany. I had to come up with a new plan for what am I going to do. So the strategy, the personal brand strategy, part of what I do has been embedded in my own Life for over 20 years with that reinvention. What do you do with the things that you have from the past? How do you take those experiences and turn them into something in the future? So lots of traveling, like you said, I. I’ve got some eclectic things going on which resulted in very different experiences career wise. And for me, I had to own that. That wasn’t actually a point of shame, it was, what can I take from all of those past experiences and apply to the next thing.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:08:15]:
I couldn’t use that as a source of power until I owned it and felt comfortable with the fact that no, my journey was not up and to the right. It was more like a kid scribbling on a piece of paper and not the high quality kind. So I had to own that. I’ve got lots of kids, so I used to tell them I’m looking for quality, not quantity. Like, if you’re going to make that egg, that little macaroni art, I want some good macaroni art. But I had to own that part of my life in order to feel empowered by it and think of it as a point of what makes me uniquely different? What is my unique value proposition when I step into any room? It’s all of those vast and varied experiences and even career breaks because I had a couple times where I was blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom for short periods of time while I was reinventing myself and figuring out, okay, well, I don’t speak Italian fluently or German, so now what? And those were the moments where I was able to spend a little bit more time with my kids while I was figuring out what next.
Libby Sundgren [00:09:26]:
So, I mean, you’ve had many roles. You are clearly a high performer. We know this.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:09:34]:
It’s.
Libby Sundgren [00:09:34]:
It’s also, you know, very evident by the scribbly line that you’ve taken. Because, yes, while it might not have just gone up straight into the right, there were a lot of. There are a lot of peaks in it. You know, anyone can see that. And you work with high performers, people who have a lot going for them, who, you know, who someone would look at and say, like, oh, you’re excelling. You’re the very top of your game. But they sometimes still feel stuck when sharing their voice. Kind of like how you did before you were able to really own your story.
Libby Sundgren [00:10:13]:
Why do you think. Why do you think that’s something that high performers can struggle with? Because from the outside, it looks like they’ve got it all together. But that’s not always the case.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:10:25]:
The thing about being a high performer and why it’s a struggle is if you’re a high performer, failure feels like a much bigger risk and a bigger loss, and you have a lot farther to fall when you exceed expectations and are performing at a high capacity. The fear of. And I used to say failure is not an option that I’m choosing today, so I have to come up with a different plan. Well, when. When you think about failure as a high performer, the perceived loss, like, what is at risk is a lot greater. If you aren’t a high performer and so you’re here and you fall, it’s not very far. But if you are a high performer and you. You fail, that feels like a much further step backwards.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:11:19]:
So that’s why, whether we realize it or not, that’s one of the greatest things that holds us back, is that fear of failure. The risk aversion of. We’re all risk takers. If you’re a high performer, however, the fall might feel or be perceived as much greater. So that’s one of the biggest stumbling blocks that I see is if I take this risk or if I go after that next thing and it doesn’t work out, then what.
Libby Sundgren [00:11:56]:
So when you’re prepping someone, how do you. How do you get them over that? Like, road bump? What do you. What do you do? What kind of like, tips and tricks do you have? What could somebody take? And, I mean, they can’t duplicate Dele, but what is something like, is there a mantra? Is there, you know, like, what. How do you help people get over that?
Dele Downs Kooley [00:12:18]:
Well, if we’re looking For a mantra, failure is always an option. It’s just an option that we don’t have to choose and we can talk about failure, capital or lowercase the thing that I do. And I’ll use one of my favorite clients as an example. High performer, senior leader at Microsoft. And I had known this person for almost a decade when we started working together. So to me I already knew, like they’re an exceptionally high performer. However, when we first started working together, they decided they wanted to go after the next level of promotion. And I’ll flash forward to the end of the story really quickly.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:13:00]:
They just left to run a startup as a interim vp. So we spent several years together and the first three sessions that we had in my personal branding strategy, already a high performer, it was, let’s talk about your perceived relationships with other people. Is it a red, yellow, green? And what would it take to change? And if we’re looking at a promotion because that’s what they were looking for. Who are the people in your that are in that are going to influence your promotion? What is your relationship with them? Is it a red? Yellow, green? If it’s a green, keep doing what you’re doing. If it’s a yellow, why is it a yellow? Let’s identify that and if it’s a red, let’s identify why it’s a red and start working on correcting those things. Because their goal was promotion, we can use that same approach to just about anything in our life. I spent years working with civil engineers and that was how we would present information for project updates. Red, yellow, green.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:14:06]:
It’s simple. It’s something that we’re all aware of. If you have a goal and you are thinking about what’s it going to take to get to that goal? That was one of the many exercises that we did in our overall strategy for this is my goal. How do I get there? Well, what are the roadblocks in a promotion? It’s promotion influencers. It’s not just your manager. There are other people involved in that. So you have to. There are people that are giving feedback on your performance.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:14:38]:
There are people that sit in a room and make decisions about promotions. So in that particular instance, we had to look at that. Now when you think about owning your voice, the other part of that equation for this client, who is, hands down one of my favorite people is, was your perception. How do people see you? And for them it was if I’m talking about myself, it’s bragging and I shouldn’t be doing that. So how do you Use your voice in a way that’s authentic to you, that doesn’t feel like bragging, and also highlights you as a leader because you can’t for them that goal of promotion. You can’t get promoted if you’re not willing to talk about your wins, if you’re not willing to talk about the things that you do well and, and highlight them. So how do you do that in a way that doesn’t feel like you’re bragging or being inauthentic? So that was another part was you have to own your voice and understand how do I highlight myself and my skill set without being overly braggy.
Alysse Bryson [00:15:49]:
I want to jump in there because I think that’s a really interesting point because especially when you look at genders, right? A man and a woman in similar positions, career wise could say the same thing. And. But the woman will come across as bragging and the man will just get accolades, right? Yeah, that’s. I remember very distinctly a conversation with someone when I was at the TV station that I worked with and I had, I don’t know, something, I had just done something and I was feeling really good about myself. I’d landed a deal or made something happen. I don’t remember the details of it, but I was like high fiving myself. Like, I’m really good at this and I love this. I’m like, oh, you know, and he was just like, you are so cocky.
Alysse Bryson [00:16:38]:
And I was just like, but I’m, but I’m not, I’m just owning my truth. And you’re just really uncomfortable with it. Like, you know, it was just so apparent to me in that moment where I could have chosen to feel shame. And I was like, no, no, no, sir, I don’t think so. You know, that definitely happens. So how, how do you coach women particularly to not have the knee jerk reaction of tripping into the shame of it and really just owning who they are? Because that obviously is going to translate onto a stage as well.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:17:14]:
That’s the when and the where. Who’s giving you the who, what when, where, why? Who’s giving you the feedback? Is it someone that’s going, that has an impact on you, your future? And it’s not that someone, someone is more or less important. It’s who’s giving you the feedback and why. If it’s your manager saying you’re cocky, maybe you need to address that. And it doesn’t mean that you’re sure that they’re. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It just means address the Perception, that’s a very different thing, is the perception. Why are they saying that? Is it because you’re always walking around high fiving and bragging your and, and telling people how great you are? If that’s the case, then, then maybe there’s something that needs to be addressed.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:18:04]:
For women. I, I feel like that’s not typically the case. So it’s being okay with and owning again. And this is the work that has to happen before you run into the person in the hallway. So when I said I had to own my story, my backstory, in order to be okay with the future, I’ll give you an example. In my own personal life, I had an assistant one time that said I was the most selfish person she’d ever met. And I looked at her and I said, thank you. I think thank you.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:18:41]:
I said thank you. And I think she was blown away because of my response. Well, in order for me to say thank you to that, I had to be clear on why was she saying that. She was saying it because I would let the nanny keep the kids for a couple extra hours so that I could go and have some self care workout, spend time with a friend, whatever it was. And I was prioritizing myself over other things. I had to be okay with that in order to receive the feedback from the person that was saying, you’re selfish. I wasn’t selfish. I was prioritizing making sure that my oxygen mask was on on first so that I can be a better employee, leader, parents, friend to all of the people in my life.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:19:38]:
I had boundaries. So when someone said you’re selfish, that was a clear indicator that my boundaries were working. I wasn’t being unkind. I wasn’t telling people, I don’t have time for you. I had boundaries. And so when someone says that our first indication is to feel shame. That’s the way that we’ve been socialized is if somebody tells you that you are too loud to this, to that. Well, our first.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:20:06]:
We’ve been socialized to feel badly about that. That first step is recognizing who’s giving you the feedback. Why is the feedback being given to you? Is this someone that you need to receive that feedback from or is it someone that you. That. It doesn’t matter. In my own journey to empowerment and owning my voice, I remember sitting down with my leader and our HR person going through employee evaluations and I had had people say that I was very direct. I think that was the, the language that was used. And my manager said, I have no problem with your directness because these are the things that have to get done and you’re getting things done.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:20:57]:
The HR person that was in the room, they said, you know, one of the things that I love about the way that you communicate is that you I know, I always know what I need to do and when it needs to be done by. Between in the first few seconds of me getting a communication from you, I know exactly what I need to do and when it needs to be done by. I appreciate that. So I was getting positive feedback. However, if there are people around me that are saying that I’m too direct, I have to address that. What does that mean? Why are they saying that I’m too direct? Okay, well if it’s my emails, then I can look at how do I communicate differently through my emails. That doesn’t change the way that I communicate, but maybe addresses something that they need in my communication style verbally. Same.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:21:54]:
What is it that makes them feel like it’s too direct? Is it because I don’t say how are you doing Before I start my conversation? If that’s the case, that’s a really easy thing to address. And if I’m bragging about myself, it’s where in what rooms am I doing that and is it something that I need to share with them?
Alysse Bryson [00:22:15]:
How for the people that are listening that are in the events industry, how can they use some of this? Regardless of if it’s a small scale event or a large corporate event, how does some of these tips and tools translate?
Dele Downs Kooley [00:22:33]:
Okay, so I love that you asked that question and I know I told you some stories about work. When you think about the event space, if you’re a business owner or if you’re someone in an event space and you’re doing great things, you’ve got to talk about it. So you’re not bragging if you’re telling the truth. However, the key to feeling confident about talking about what you do and the experience goes back to the why. Why are you doing this in the event space? Are you doing it to bring joy? Are you doing it to create community and connection? That’s the part that maybe if you don’t feel comfortable with it, you have to get clear on your why. That’s the same regardless of whether you are in the corporate workspace. That was the thing for me is why am I doing this? What makes what’s my unique value proposition? Why does that contribute to the overall why? When you’re clear on that and what you’re I have a client that calls it their silent sentence. I Call it your why.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:23:34]:
Why are you doing this? What’s the. What’s the story in your head? Why did you start the business that you’re doing? I watched one of your podcasts recently. I think it was just this week. Stuart Butler. He has a thriving business that is really, I’ve had the chance to sit down and talk to him kind of one on one. He has a thriving business that is very much focused on corporate. And I would imagine, I don’t know the ins and outs of his business, but just the work that he does in the corporate space with transporting executives and human beings probably covers everything from a business perspective. But he has this amazing show, the Northwest Event show.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:24:21]:
And when I talk to him, he has such a deep passion for the event community in the event space. That’s why he does that show. So the why. Why do we do things? That’s what drives it and that’s what makes it possible. If you’re not connected to your why, maybe you need a different why. Because if you’re doing it for money, it’s never going to be compelling enough to keep going when things get hard. But if you’re doing it because you want to amplify the voices for me of women, high performers, as a person who has gone from behind the scenes, flying below the radar, to building the life of my dreams, that’s my why. I want other people to be able to do the same thing.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:25:09]:
I want them to live their version of success. So as long as I’m connected to that, I want to show my kids what’s possible. My my North Star Y is always my kids. I have girls and I have boys. So that is my North Star why. Below that, it’s as a person who has gone from behind the scenes and hiding, flying below the radar, to being able to build the life of my dreams because I was willing to step out in front and be seen. I want that for anyone else who wants it. So if you’re in the event space and you love flowers, being able to talk about your why.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:25:53]:
Why do you love flowers? Why do you love bringing flowers into other people’s lives? Focus on that. That’s the empowerment piece is what is it about bringing flowers into the lives of others. I could tell you why I love flowers. They’re beautiful. They spark joy. As you can see behind me, joy is a big part of what’s important to me. So that’s the part about if you’re an event space. I’ve gone to the Northwest Event show and I love talking to the vendors and hearing their stories, the auctioneers who are passionate about raising money for not for profits, for for profits.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:26:36]:
It’s the why is not just coming in and doing something okay. It’s how can I make that experience even better to raise and generate revenue for the organization that I’m in front of? Those are. It’s the. The why. That’s the empowering piece is why are you doing this? If I can make a difference for one person here today, because I showed up here at this event, then I’ve done it. That could be a silent sentence for someone, the why. So I think that’s the important differentiator for if you’re in the event space and you’re trying not to brag but also highlight what’s the work that you do? It’s really focusing on the why. Why do you do it?
Libby Sundgren [00:27:25]:
I want to talk about another event that you are involved in that we love. And it is an event where you really help women hone in on that exact same thing. Their why share these stories about these amazing accomplishments and just experiences and why they were so valuable to them and why other people can. Can get value from that.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:27:58]:
What. What is that? That I do. I do a lot of things.
Libby Sundgren [00:28:01]:
So I want to talk about another event that you are very involved in. It’s called TEDx Bellevue Women. And this is exactly what you do. You help these women with incredible stories and incredible experiences, really hone in on their why and share that with people in a very vulnerable and kind of scary way. For me, I think it would be a little bit scary. Tell us a little bit about that. What goes into that prep? How do you help them get ready to go on a stage and speak in front of hundreds of people and then also have that video recorded and shared with thousands of people, you know, not just locally, but but everywhere?
Dele Downs Kooley [00:28:53]:
I love that you asked that question. And as a point of clarification, I don’t just work with TEDx Bellevue women. I actually work with TEDx speakers across the US and have just taken on a couple new TEDx clients, full organizations, as their speaker coach. And my why is amplifying the voices of other women to create community and connection when it comes to why do I do this work? Not just women, high performers. And it’s not just thousands, it’s millions. Millions of views, millions of the ripple effect of being able to stand on a stage and use your voice to share an idea. An idea we’re sharing. That’s the idea behind TEDx, is an idea worth sharing.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:29:46]:
What is your idea worth sharing? And that to me is just incredible. When the ripple effect starts going into the millions, one of my clients last year has, nine months into their talk being released over 2 million views. Wow. It is. That is the power of being willing to do the work that I do is the ripple effect of those voices going out into the world, amplifying those voices. So that’s the why, why do I do it? And every client is different. I do an intake call with them and the first questions that I ask is why a TEDx? Why now? What’s so important about the idea? Because I have to understand those things to fully lean into coaching them. And if they’re connected to their why, it’s a lot easier for me to coach them.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:30:50]:
So I’ve said this many times. It’s the why. It’s the why that leads to the silent sentence as my client calls it for her. Why are you doing this? Why are you sharing this idea? Why is it so important to share this idea with the world? If we can anchor on that, we can make it through everything else. It’s easier to give feedback. They’re much more receptive of the feedback and, and it makes the story more powerful when they step on stage. And the thing about stepping on stage, whether you’re stepping on a, to a TEDx stage or any stage, is we’re all human beings. That is one of the scariest things that we can do, step on a stage by ourselves in front of a group of people.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:31:33]:
Because that’s not how we were hardwired from a evolutionary perspective and survival to put ourselves separate from the crowd. So acknowledging that as human beings stepping onto a stage by ourselves and saying something that may or may not be received well, we don’t know that feels like a big risk. And so just acknowledging that we’re all human beings and no matter how prepared we are, how skilled we are, we may have some nervous energy when we step out onto the stage. So being connected to that, why, why are you doing it? And I have a client that I think illustrates this so perfectly. She runs a seven figure business with her partner and she is the behind the scenes part of that relationship. Well, they had a speaking opportunity that was during International Women’s Month and on International Women’s Day. So there was no behind the scenes option because she was the only female half of that partnership, which meant she had to come out from behind the scenes. And she literally, when I saw the, when the first conversation came out, you could see visibly her body language was like, absolutely not.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:32:53]:
I am not stepping on this stage. It is not happening. Everything about her body language was, no, not doing it. And I said, okay, well, how about we have a session by ourselves to prepare for this? You stepping out on a stage and when we, when we sat down, that was the thing that I did. Same thing with my TEDx speakers. It was, why are you doing this? It wasn’t about money. It was about, I want other women who feel as nervous as I do about stepping on a stage to know that they can do this. If one person, if there’s another woman just like me out there in the audience and my words help her, then I will have done everything I wanted to do that day.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:33:44]:
That’s the why, that is the compelling reason to put yourself on a stage. It’s, I want to be the example for someone else to see what’s possible. And we did our prep, we went through, did all the different parts from the mechanics. Because when you’re stepping out on stage, especially with a TEDx talk, you have to be very focused on one idea. So there’s a lot of iteration around the talk itself to make sure that it’s very focused on this one idea and you’re not branching off into other stories. So the story development has to be there. Yesterday I was working with one of my new clients and they are in a position of senior leadership at Amazon. And she said, I just feel stuck.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:34:30]:
I can’t, I can’t. I. I have the ideas. I just can’t get further with that. And the thing about a TEDx in particular is the gift of how only comes after you’ve accomplished it. The problem with that for a TEDx is most people only do one TEDx in their life. So the gift of how comes and then you never use it again. How do I do, how do I do this TedX? How do I do it in a way that ripples to millions of viewers? So that’s where having the coach comes in.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:35:06]:
That’s where finding the confidence to step out on the stage and have your voice be heard. The coach, the coach, the consultant is going to be the person that helps you unlock and get unstuck. And the faster you bring one in for her. She said, I’m not ready to share. I said, well, can you just share what you’ve got? Because it’s really hard for me to help you pass the why, why this idea? Why now? And once she did that, we were able to get her unstuck because she was approaching it like you do at Amazon, a working backward plan, a prfaq, a six pager. Like there’s a lot of idea development that goes in there before you start sitting down and sharing your ideas. So with that new client that I talked to yesterday, it was, let’s just look at the idea, let’s start putting it together. Once we put it together, then we can start thinking about visuals and everything else that comes with stepping on stage.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:36:05]:
So every speaker client is different. What holds them back, what keeps them stuck before they get on stage is different for all of them. So the why is what’s going to help you step out on stage even when you’re not feeling your most confident self. Why am I doing this? Who do I want to share this message with? The behind the scenes part is the who am I working with to get unstuck and unstuck faster? That’s the work that I do. And so that woman that I was telling you about that went out on stage, I’m pretty white glove with my clients where I need to be. So the morning of there was a three hour time difference. They were talking early in the morning. I was up at like 3:30, 4:00 clock in the morning.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:36:50]:
I’m like, you’ve got this. Just tell me where you are as you’re on stage. Because if I can be there with them, that’s the thing that I prefer is I will go sit in the front row so that my speaker clients can see me. If I’m not able to do that, I will stay in touch with them other ways. So that morning I was up super early and, and I’m voice messaging with her, you’ve got this, you’re okay. She’s like, I’m so nervous, I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t do this. So we had a lot of back and forth and then she went out on the stage.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:37:23]:
My favorite thing, this is my favorite thing with all of my clients that we communicate this way is after it was over, she came out, she said, oh my God, I did it and I didn’t die. Hello. Yeah.
Libby Sundgren [00:37:38]:
And I live to tell the tale.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:37:41]:
Yes. The excitement in her voice is why I do this. She stepped out on stage, she shared her story and she didn’t die. Literally, like her voice was so excited because she did it. She made it through. But she knew she was supported throughout the whole thing. She knew that I was there even though I couldn’t be there in person. I mean, I have flown across the US to go sit in an audience for a Couple hours and then gone home.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:38:13]:
When my clients hire me, that’s what they get if that’s what they need. And I can. That’s the level of support. So I love the excitement that comes with I did it, I made it to the other side. And she’s probably like, she’s still not trying to step out on stages, but. But she said, and when I was on stage, I talked about you and the coaching work that I did. And I said, I’m here today with my cue cards because me sharing my message is way more important than me being able to do it perfectly from memory. So I have my cards here in front of me and I’m able to share my message with you.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:38:53]:
She felt so empowered because she didn’t feel like it had to be perfect. She just needed to share the message whether it was memorized. Now, if you’re doing a TEDx, we need you to be a little bit more polished and memorized. So I do a lot more work with them on tips and tricks on how to memorize stage presence. What do I wear? All the things. Elise is my go to person for that. I’m that person for other people.
Alysse Bryson [00:39:19]:
Well, and I will also add, when I worked with you Dele, like, you’re not just there with white gloves. Like you were there, like wiping the lipstick off my teeth right before I went on stage. Like you are in the trenches. Like you are. You are there, you know, but that’s.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:39:35]:
The part that I love because you do. Being able to watch someone go from an idea submission to sharing it on stage and then watching it grow like wildfire. And even if it doesn’t grow like wildfire, you still had an impact. You had a story that you needed to share with other people to show them what’s possible to shine the light on the way forward for someone else. That’s exactly where you are. So if you’re an event space, if you’re in the event space, since we’re talking about an event show, if that’s what I love about Stuart, I use Stuart as an example because I’ve sat down and actually had conversations about his business and the Northwest event event show. You just had that episode with him. That’s what sparked it for me, is he is creating a space for you to hone your skill, hone your craft, to expose yourself.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:40:33]:
The more you’re out there having conversations with potential clients and customers, the more you’re able to understand what’s the impact that you have on those clients and those customers. That’s the emotion people want you as the speaker, consultant, as the event person. Not because you’re able to technically talk about how to construct a speech. It’s the emotions you’re addressing. The emotions. The fear of stepping on stage, the joy that comes with a beautiful floral arrangement, the joy that comes with a Delecious cake or a beautiful charcuterie board, or the joy that comes when the auctioneer comes out and raises more money than you ever imagined was possible for something that is near and dear to your heart. The person that brings food to a corporate event. And it’s not just a sandwich.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:41:30]:
I love sandwiches at corporate events, so I don’t want to do that. I think about the conversation that I had with vendors at the Northwest event show when I was there last. And that person that brings a unique flavor to a corporate event that makes it not just your everyday sandwich event, but something more, something that speaks to the people that are in the room. It’s a taste of home. That’s a big deal that makes people feel included. It makes them feel belonging. So if you’re in the event space, how are you creating that, that emotion that creates Deleght? Because that’s it. That’s.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:42:14]:
That’s what I do. I mean, in a speaker, it’s the, the Deleght that comes with making it through to the other side, with seeing their idea go from a spark to a video that over 2 million people have watched. That’s, that’s the why. So if you bring joy through cookies, through flowers, I’m here for it. I love walking in and seeing something beautiful in a room. I love beautiful food. I love things that make. When I eat something, I love it when it makes me want to dance and it brings joy.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:42:52]:
So that’s the, that’s the why when you are able to curate those experiences in the event space. I have so much appreciation because before I was a speaker on a stage at an event, I used to be the behind the scenes person, the person that was focused on all the details. And there’s a lot to that.
Alysse Bryson [00:43:15]:
Well, no, no, I love all of that. And you know, as we start to wind down here, one thing I just want to touch on again that you mentioned a few steps back was when you use the example of the woman who, you know, she’s planning to get on any more stages. Right? But what is a tip for someone, whether they want to get back on a stage or they don’t, how can they use their experience once the talk is over, once you’ve push publish on the thing to keep the momentum Going.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:43:50]:
Oh, my gosh, that is one of my favorite things. I said I was a personal brand strategist. Elise, I love that you asked that question. I’m thinking about that the first time I meet my speakers. It’s not an afterthought. It’s I’m thinking about it from the first moment we get on a call. Whatever it is that you have to say shouldn’t be a one and done. How can we take that and do more with it? How can we build on it? So when I’m listening, and that’s why it’s important to me to understand the why.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:44:19]:
Why now, why are you doing this? So that I can provide strategies to keep momentum going that are aligned to your why, not mine? Because mine is really big and bold. Not everybody wants a big and bold next step. So it’s important for me to understand their why, why are they doing this? And then provide the strategy. So, one, I would offer maybe three tips. These are three things that I think about with my clients from day one, when we talk. Okay, there’s the talk itself and the execution. How do we amplify the talk once it’s been published? I offer a podcast interview, a behind the scenes interview with all of my client, my speaker clients on my podcast pivot to joy. I offer that to them as a way to get to know them more.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:45:20]:
I talked about emotions and why do people, what is it that makes people want to work with someone or buy something? It’s emotions. It’s the emotional connection for. For their why. So I offer a podcast. If you’re able to get on a podcast, if you have a talk and you’re looking for a podcast, reach out to me. I’d love to have you. I’d love to at least learn your story so that we can talk about. Is this the right fit for the podcast to give you exposure in doing that interview? It’s not just about the talk that they gave.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:45:55]:
It’s more about the human that gave the talk so people can understand. How did they, how did they come up with that idea? Why? How did they get on the stage? The path to a TEDx stage is vast and varied. Every story is going to be different. So every interview that I do, whether it’s a TEDx or otherwise, is me handing out puzzle pieces. And it’s up to you to pick up the piece of the puzzle that works for you as an individual listening to that talk. Someone’s going to tell a story that will spark for you and help you with putting together the Your path to state to a stage. So that’s one of the ways that I do that is through a podcast interview and then creating short reels from that podcast to share so people are visual, giving them something to share. So I share, they share.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:46:49]:
I’m amplifying their voice, expanding the ripple effect. So the podcast is one way to do that. One of the things another fun table member, Amy, she’s a publisher. If you’ve given a talk and you have a desire to to use that talk as the foundation, a lot of my TEDx speakers, when I’m listening to them, they actually have a framework that can turn into a book or a business. So my brain from the get go is how can I help this? So if you’ve given a talk and you’re looking for something to offer people to get on more stages, Amy is an excellent resource to print your put your talk into print. That’s something that I facilitate for my clients if they’re interested, is putting that talk into writing and using it as a book, a small book that you’re able to offer to people as event organizers. Or if you’re on a stage when they leave, they can go grab that book on their way out the door as something that they can take with them on their own roadmap to add to their own roadmap to success. So the podcast, publishing your talk as a book or, or as an ebook, something that’s free that you can use.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:48:09]:
Because not all talks are going to be a full on book, but it’s the start. So publishing your spoken word into written word, that’s another path. Finding the right people is always the challenge. So I’m just going to put Amy’s name out there. Get a hold of me. Get a hold of Amy. If you’re looking to put your talk into writing, that’s a really great. And it’s easy.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:48:33]:
It’s so easy. That’s a fast pass hack. Just put it in writing and put it in a book. That’s the start of a book. And the next thing from there is if your talk is something that can be turned into a workshop. I’m working with a TEDx speaker right now that has this beautiful framework. So the strategy for me was, okay, we give the talk, we start putting the talk out into the world with the podcast interview, then we start offering workshops to people built on the foundation of that talk. So those are the things that I do with my clients as the brand strategist side of the work that I do with my speakers.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:49:16]:
I can help you with that. You can do it on your own. I mean you can self publish through Amazon. There are so many different ways. The fast pass is finding someone who has the network and connections to help you with that. But those are three ways to take your talk and turn it into something more. Build a business on it. It’s the spoken word from the talk itself, the behind the scenes podcast interview that lets people see how did you get there? How did you come up with the idea? Because it sparks ideas for other people when they hear your story.
Dele Downs Kooley [00:49:52]:
Putting it into written word for There are many different learning types and styles, so the podcast gives you some visual aids to share out on your socials. The book gives you another way to do it. And then how do you turn that into an actual workshop or offering that you can take forward from there?
Alysse Bryson [00:50:13]:
Well, it’s also good Dele and we’re going to put all of your contact information in the show notes. So for our many listeners, if you are looking for your why or just someone to be your cheerleader to get you out on that stage, you’ll definitely want to shoot Dele a message and set up some time with her. That is a wrap for this episode of Beats Working. If you have an idea or you want to reach out, please email us at infoatsworking show and remember, every detail matters, every moment counts, the ones on stage and behind stage. And no matter what, the show must go on. Thanks for listening to Beats Winning the game of Events where we explore what it takes to to make moments unforgettable.
Libby Sundgren [00:51:00]:
If you’re leaving with a little more inspiration, a little more perspective, and a big sideache from all of the laughing at our funny jokes, then we’ve done our job.
Alysse Bryson [00:51:10]:
Beats Working is a work P2P production. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review us on your favorite podcast platforms.
Libby Sundgren [00:51:20]:
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