Contributors Corner: Unlocking Your True Potential

Welcome to Contributors Corner. On the show this month, “Unlocking Your True Potential” with Dr. Stel Nikolakakis.

Dr. Nik has developed an innovative movement to empower and transform leaders of every kind.

His coaching guides people through a process of reframing challenges, embracing new perspectives, and unlocking hidden solutions.

What if we all could see setbacks as opportunities? What if we saw every challenge as a gift, a path to growth and developing new abilities? What if we spent time in self-reflection every day to see things in their proper perspective?

Dr. Nik says that when we do these things, we can create a powerful new narrative that will pay dividends in all areas of our lives.

Get ready to unlock your potential with Dr. Stel Nikolakakis.

Resources from the episode:

Our contributors are on LinkedIn! Connect with ⁠Dr. Stel Nikolakakis⁠, ⁠Dr. James Bryant⁠, and ⁠André Brisson⁠.
Listen to “Vision Therapy and Turning Personal Challenges into Your Calling,” our episode with Dr. Nik, ⁠here⁠.
Listen to “How to Win at Work and at Home,” our episode with Dr. James Bryant, ⁠here⁠.
Listen to “Working with ADHD,” our episode with André Brisson, ⁠here⁠.
Learn more about Dr. Nik and the work he does ⁠here⁠ or email him at ⁠drnik@drnik.ca⁠.
Learn more about how Dr. Bryant helps others solve the dilemma of work-life balance through his company, Engineer Your Success, ⁠here⁠.
Listen to Brisson’s Tactical Breakthroughs podcast ⁠here⁠ and visit Brisson’s ⁠Tactical Breakthroughs website⁠ to learn more about him and start your ADHD transformational journey.

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Transcript

The following transcript is not certified. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. The information contained within this document is for general information purposes only.

Speakers: Dr. Stel Nikolakakis, André Brisson, Dr. James Bryant, and Mark Wright

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 00:00

If there’s a way to look at your past and then reframe it, can you see now how a reframing of something that you thought was stopping you gives you the opportunity to now have untapped potential on what’s possible in terms of purpose and what you’re capable of doing out of what your potential is. Oprah’s a classic example, right? You look at her story in the past and it’s easy to get caught up and you think, how on earth did she make it? People see the results right now and say, oh my goodness, she’s changing the world. Yeah, she’s changing the world from her story because she learned how to reframe it. It’s not coincidence that her best friends are Anthony Robbins and all these personal development leaders because it allowed her to figure out a way. I’m not sure how she did it, but there’s obviously some way where she’s reframed her past and it’s led into what her purpose is to now make a massive impact in the world.

MARK WRIGHT 00:53

This is the BEATS WORKING show. We’re on a mission to redeem work – the word, the place, and the way. I’m your host, Mark Wright. Join us at winning the game of work. Welcome to Contributors Corner. On the show this month, Unlocking Your True Potential with Dr. Stel Nikolakakis. Dr. Nik has developed an innovative movement designed to empower and transform leaders of all kinds. His coaching guides people through a process of reframing challenges, embracing new perspectives, and unlocking hidden solutions. What if we all could see setbacks as opportunities? What if we saw every challenge as a gift, a path to growth, and a way to develop new abilities? And what if every day we spent time in self-reflection to try to see things in their proper perspective? Dr. Nik says when we do these things, we can create a powerful new narrative that will pay dividends in every area of our lives. Get ready to unlock your potential with Dr. Stel Nikolakakis. Welcome to Contributor’s Corner on the show this month, Unlocking Your True Potential with Dr. Stel Nikolakakis. We’ve got some former guests of the BEATS WORKING podcast, Dr. James Bryant, we have André Brisson, and of course, we have Stel Nikolakakis, we like to call him Dr. Nik, who’s going to be leading our show today, because he has launched into an exciting new chapter of his career, and that is coaching. So the topic, Unlocking Your True Potential. Stel, I’d love for you to kick things off, but first, let’s have the others introduce themselves. James, introduce yourself if you would. Who you are, what you do.

DR. JAMES BRYANT 02:40

Yes. My name is Dr. James Bryant. I am the founder and president of Engineer Your Success, where I help business owners and engineers, people with an engineering background, design and live a life where they can win at work and at home.

MARK WRIGHT 02:53

All right, André.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 02:55

My name is André Brisson. I’m The Impulsive Thinker. I’ve got an engineering company that does what most engineers don’t want to do, is make decisions. And also, Tactical Breakthroughs, where I help high-achieving ADHD entrepreneurs gain a vocabulary and take control of their brain. And there’s something else, but I forget. We’re good. I’ll remember it later.

MARK WRIGHT 03:14

André, also the host of a podcast by the same title, The Impulsive Thinker. Well, Stel, you wear a lot of hats in your career. And, uh, when you were on the podcast, uh, we focused a lot on your specialty of vision therapy, but you’ve branched out into so many other areas. You are certified in hypnosis. Um, you’ve, so I’m not going to try to explain everything. Who is Stel Nikolakakis? And then let’s launch into what we’re going to do today.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 03:42

First of all, thanks, Mark, for inviting me to be on Contributors Corner again. I loved all the calls. I’ve learned quite a bit being on, on these calls. And, uh, I appreciate the fact that you allow me to highlight something that is another thing that I do that not enough people know about. And I mentioned on the podcast where we talked about the learning disabilities, cause one of the things as a neuro visual optometrist, uh, I always tell people that I changed lives through vision and we focus primarily on kids with learning disabilities, ADD, um, that André and I have had countless conversations and experiences with. And then concussion rehab, a lot of a lot of people walking around with concussions that have no clue and then high-level performance, which is the thing that I want to focus on today. You know, because unlocking potential, a lot of times we focus is if we’re going to unlock potential on the kids that have the issues or the labels. And one thing I will say right from the get-go is I’m, I’m not big on labels at all. Uh, we’re called, we’re called behavioral optometrists because we pay attention to the behavior and then look and see where does that behavior stem from? What’s the root cause? And, you know, the shift that I’m hoping to create on this call is not just to talk about my, you know, my coaching side of things, but, um, talking about untapping potential of leaders. Because one thing I realized is that if the leaders who helped so many other people are supported, then we have leverage and scale to make a massive impact in the world, especially with topics that are well known and understood. And a lot of the things that I do, I mean, they are research based. There’s a lot of information that are, is available. It’s not readily understood because people need to experience it in order to fully understand it. With regards to my training, heavily trained in NLP, Neural Logistic Programming in, uh, hypnotherapy and timeline therapy. And timeline therapy is the main, I mean, I use all three, but timeline therapy is what I think is, you know, a hidden gem. And the easiest way for me to explain it is to say, we, we look at emotions in a positive way. We all go through emotional development. We have to. And an example is if we don’t carry fear, then we kill ourselves, right? If we don’t carry guilt, we can hurt someone else. So, it’s a safety mechanism, okay? It’s part of the evolutionary process. The thing is, we’re not necessarily taught how to integrate those safety mechanisms. And the example I, I give if I’m coaching someone and need to understand is that we have what are called primitive reflexes in medicine. One that everybody knows is the knee jerk reflex, right? The other one is the, the rooting reflex, which is when the baby goes to the boob. So, the survival mechanism is I need to eat. Okay. So, the thing is, if this doesn’t get integrated, it’s called a speech impediment. And then I have to go to the speech therapist because I have a lisp. Okay. But because it’s physical in nature, we can see it. We deal with it. Emotions aren’t that clear, but it’s the exact same concept. And the question is what’s going to allow us to integrate those emotions so that we can get the deeper learnings as to what it is that’s unfolding in terms of our story. Okay. Cause we all have it. How we play the story internally in our heads. It depends on environment, depends on how we were brought up, depends on what is it that’s occurring neurologically, uh, and unconsciously. And then we wonder why the results are showing up in a certain way. It’s just internal representations that are dictating the behavior, which then bring in our reality because nothing’s really real. Okay. I’ll start with that. And then if you have questions, please, because I can talk for.

MARK WRIGHT 07:32

Yeah. No, that’s fantastic.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 07:35

Okay. So, in terms of emotions and, and how our unconscious minds work. Okay. And again, we can talk medically and call it the autonomic nervous system. We can talk it from a coaching standpoint and say, we have the unconscious, we call it unconscious, not sub, but unconscious and conscious minds, right? So, the conscious part of our minds are the, uh, it’s the verbal reasoning, it’s executive functioning, it’s the language, it’s analytical part, right? We all pretty well know what our conscious minds do. We don’t truly understand what our unconscious minds do and we have prime directives, right? The unconscious mind has certain things that it needs, that it’s, it’s programmed to do. And the first and foremost prime directive is to protect and preserve the body. Period. Okay. So again, the example I use is if, when you’re sleeping, what keeps you breathing? It’s not like you consciously think, I need to breathe, I need to breathe, I need to breathe. Okay. So, your autonomic nervous system kicks in and says keep breathing because we need the body to survive. If you get a cut in your hand, You know, you don’t think heal, heal, heal, right? It’s not like you consciously think about it. Autonomic kicks in, right? Or the unconscious kicks in, sends the white blood cells, sends the platelets, sends everything in order for the healing process to occur. So first and foremost, preserve and protect the body. Now the unconscious mind can’t speak. Okay. But it can connect to the body to create pains and the pains occur from the second prime directive is to store emotions, and it stores emotions in such a way that supports you and then allows for there to be an expression of those emotions when the body’s ready. Now, the best example of this, have any of you seen Inside Out the movie? Okay, it’s brilliant. Okay. It explained it. Anybody that’s not listening or that’s listening now that hasn’t watched the movie, watch it. It’s a brilliant example of how the unconscious mind works, right? Joy, fear, anger. You know, I’m looking forward to the next one because it’s got anxiety, I think coming now, but it’s so true. We, we have an experience. It’s our experience. And then unconscious mind goes, ooh, okay. Here’s a fear point. Let’s store it. Okay. And then we have this initial event that gets stored. Okay. Then boom, we get scared again, whoop, another event gets stored, and so on, and so on, and so on, and then there’s, these are gestalts, we call it a gestalt, so it’s a ring of emotion, a line of emotions, and then you have the anger one, and then you have the sadness one, and then you have the happy one, and then, right now the anxiety one, and what happens is they build up over time, and if It’s ready for those emotions to be dealt with. It comes to the surface. And what that sounds like is I don’t know why, but I get angry and it makes no sense to me, or I feel sad, I don’t know why, or I feel lately after COVID I’m anxious, right? And then you ask, well, what makes you anxious? I don’t know. When you hear, I don’t know, there’s something that’s coming from a deeper place that’s coming to the surface. Okay. Now with regards to what we do, instead of just looking at it and saying, okay, well talk to me about it, right? Where’s the anxiety? When’s the last time the anxiety, we have mechanisms and methods to be able to go to the initial event using timeline therapy and hypnotherapy and get the deeper learnings from that event. The second you get the learnings, the gestalt disappears and you have a gift. And this is why I always tell people, things happen for you, not to you. You just need someone or a concept of, hold a safe space to get the deeper understandings should you be ready. Okay. Now in terms of emotional versus physical, they’re connected almost directly. Okay. And I don’t want to get into ancient medicine, but well, actually I will. So, the ancient Hippocratic model dealt with if we’re going to do surgery. We need to deal with the emotional state of the patient first. Why? If you deal with the emotional state, surgical outcomes were a lot more successful. Why? Because your body’s in a state of healing. It has everything that it needs to heal. I’m oversimplifying it, but you can’t separate the emotional body with the physical body, right? So in terms of vision and seeing what’s possible in your future, If there’s a way to look at your past and then reframe it, can you see now how a reframing of something that you thought was stopping you gives you the opportunity to now have untapped potential on what’s possible in terms of purpose and what you’re capable of doing out of what your potential is? Oprah’s a classic example, right? You look at her story in the past and it’s easy to get caught up and you think, how on earth did she make it? People see the results right now and say, oh my goodness, she’s changing the world. Yeah. She’s changing the world from a story because she learned how to reframe it. It’s not coincidence that her best friends are Anthony Robbins and all these personal development leaders, because it allowed her to figure out a way. I’m not sure how she did it, but there’s obviously some way where she’s reframed her past. And it’s led into what her purpose is to now make a massive impact in the world. So, as I said at the beginning, you know, if this call allows a shout out to leaders, okay, because as we all know in this call, you know, the higher you go up in this leadership hierarchy, the more lonely or alone it is, right? And if there’s other people that are out there that could support us as leaders, then we raise the bar to then allow us to have that much more of an impact based on our stories, right? And you have, you know, three pretty good examples in here, because if we look back, I’m sure why we’re successful as coaches and, um, engineers and, and doctors is because we’re willing to embrace the story and to allow the authentic selves, ourselves to come out and then to allow other people to discover their authentic selves, hence potential.

MARK WRIGHT 13:40

André.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 13:41

I like how you bring up the point that the leaders should be aware of this, and I kind of understood that you’re pushing it, make sure to encompass your staff or your team and others around you, yet at the same time, I’ve noticed a pattern over the last long time is leaders of countries, leaders of big companies, leaders of entrepreneurial companies. This is actually something we should be looking at ourselves first because we have those historical traumas or emotional baggage that we haven’t reframed to use it for good. It’s worked so far, but at our cost, which affects everyone around us as well.

DR. JAMES BRYANT 14:18

Yeah, I think that’s pretty interesting because as I think back, right, I’m always reframing. So when you say the trauma or the bad thing in my mind, immediately I’m thinking, well, what was the trauma? What was the bad thing? Cause I’ve already, I’ve constantly reframing those things. And so for, for someone who may be in that space, It’s not so much the trauma. It’s about the thing that you may want to change. If you keep coming up on something and you’re like, I wish that maybe would have turned out differently, then this technique is also useful to help you reframe, okay, what went on now? How can I move forward? I work with my clients a lot about applying curiosity to almost every situation. that they face and to begin to ask these curious questions with no judgment. Ask the questions, no judgment, and see what is you’re able to uncover.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 15:13

Yeah. I hope I didn’t misunderstand people misunderstand. I wasn’t only referring to trauma. It’s just, any way your brain, because with my research and exposure with the ADHD brain and everything I’ve researched is, the brain is an amazing thing and the only job to do is to protect you. That’s it. It doesn’t matter if it’s a negative or positive influence, it’s just doing one job. And yeah, it could not be a massive trauma event, but somehow in the past. Your brain reframed something so at that point you can survive, and it becomes a habit and then we got to reframe those habits because now we’re in a safer space so, and I’m using the term safe space on a spectrum here. It could be you know, a slight, no safety to a very unsafe situation. So, I’m, we’re always referring this to it on a spectrum. So yeah, and I like what you’re saying, James is a slight change reframe, but as we grow, and that’s why I keep calling it, I’m at the refinement stage. I’ve done a lot of massive, massive work, but I can’t have these massive things all the time because I kind of ran out of trauma to deal with, right? But once you take care of one bubble, that’s in your way, then you got smaller bubbles and behind you can see those now and that’s where I could say refinement a little bit more a little bit more and our experiences every day change something new comes I guess I just went through a transform character a severe character building event the last two months but based on the past I knew how to reframe that experience and how to get out of it but something’s always going to show up no matter what,

DR. JAMES BRYANT 16:46

And what I would, would add and still definitely, uh, let me know if this connects or not. Part of what you were talking about is that this happens automatically subconsciously. We are constantly reframing things even when we don’t know it because our perspective is helping us to interpret those events. And so, the perspective that we’re looking at interprets those events. What I’m here is,

ANDRÉ BRISSON 17:10

We’ve told ourselves, right? Those are stories.

DR. JAMES BRYANT 17:12

Those are stories, perspectives. Those are the things that we, that we told ourselves. What I’m understanding, and what we’re talking about, is leveraging the ability to retell that story to the point that you’re able to, it’s able to help you move forward to what you want to achieve, who you want to be and what you want to do.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 17:30

Yeah. So, the model, when I explain the model of, cause what both you guys said, and I’ll start with André, because it’s exactly what it is. And, you know, we said that the title is Unlocking Human Potential. It’s actually unfolding. Like, that’s probably a better word, right? Because we have this innate ingrained uniqueness about us, okay? And it’s the gift. It’s the light. It’s call it whatever you want. It’s the center of the core you, okay? And all these safety mechanisms, and why you need safety initially is because we get hit with all these environments and situations and so on and so far to cover that light, that greatness, okay, that potential that’s sitting in there. So, as the reframing happens, we’re basically in the process of unfolding and it never stops. Okay. So, if somebody says, Oh, I know everything I’ve unfolded, it never ever stops. Number one. Secondly, Um, when we talk about vision, it’s easy for me to say nothing’s real, prove it, nothing’s real, proof, okay? So, we know that it takes 120 milliseconds for light to go from the retina to the brain to get processed. So, if that’s the case, everything’s predictatory. It’s not real. It’s already happened. It’s in the past. Number one. Secondly, how we view the world depends on what’s going on internally. Okay. So, we have two million bits of information that are hitting, it’s hitting our system every second. And our system only can take in 126 of those bits. So, think of that 126 bits of 2 million every second. So now the question is, which one 26 do we choose? And then the rest of them get deleted, distorted, and generalized to then create our reality based on what’s going on internally. We good? So now…

ANDRÉ BRISSON 19:26

We’re changing perception. So, we can potentially change the perception of real reality, which is not real. So, therefore, I get the shiny new Mac book effect in the back there, right?

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 19:38

Exactly. So, so as we reframe, we change our perceived reality, right? And that’s why in the example,

ANDRÉ BRISSON 19:47

What did you just say? I want that repeated for, for Mark’s listeners. Like that’s key. That’s huge.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 19:51

Change our perceived reality.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 19:55

Perceived.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 19:56

Perceived.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 19:57

Nice.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 19:58

It’s all we, we, we, it’s all about perception and assumptions. Okay. Now the thing is, again, I’ll go to leaders. Okay. Because I need to hit key qualities on why leaders are leaders. Leaders always question. Leaders are always curious, successful leaders. What does the curiosity, and what do the questions actually provide? Okay. If we make an assumption that what we see or what we perceive is real and stay true to it, and our ego say, right? Then we make that assumption it’s real, but it may not be. The only way that we know is to test it and look for the facts, look for the information, look for to say, is this real? Is it not real? Okay. Actually, I’m going to do something. Let’s see if this works, and it works with our listeners. Okay. So this is what I do when I’m speaking on this and, uh, it’s a story. Okay. So, it sounds like this. I call my, my friend, Jimmy. I want to talk to Jimmy, and his daughter, Frenchie, picks up the phone. And I said, hi Frenchie. She goes, hi. I said, uh, is daddy home? Yes. Can I talk to him? No. Why not? He’s busy. Okay. Is mom home? Yes. Can I talk to her? No. Why not? She’s busy too. What? Is anybody home? Yes. Who’s there? The police. Well, can I talk to them? No. Why not? They’re busy too. What are they so busy doing? Looking for me. Okay. So, the question I ask if I’m facilitating something is, what were you guys thinking when Jimmy was busy, right? Something comes up, right? And I already know what André is going to say.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 21:51

Whispering, hiding.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 21:52

Whispering, hiding, or you know, dad’s in the bathroom, he’s busy. Mom, you know, dad’s busy with mom, la la la, right? So then, what did I do? If you stop there, whatever that assumption is, or perception, is your reality. Is it the truth? We don’t know. Add more facts. All of a sudden now, mom’s busy. Did your initial assumption change? Right? Yes. Okay. Some people say no. And it’s like, huh, so maybe they were right from the beginning. But if it changed, now we’ve just changed your perception of reality because we’ve added more information. Now, all of a sudden, the police are involved. Now did your assumption change? Okay. And now we have a full story. So, then we know she’s hiding because that was the end of the story. We waited that long. Now, what’s this metaphor have to do with anything? Usually, people that, what I find is successful people in their own right are really good at asking questions and are really good at listening. Okay. If you think in medicine, who are the best docs, they ask the best questions. And they listen because what’s the most important procedure? Case history. Okay. And you don’t just listen to what the patients say or the clients see in my case, you pay attention to what their body is telling you. Okay. Because body language is a lot more than the verbal and in, and I’m an, again, I’m an end guy, so you want to look at and listen to all of it, but here’s an example in terms of what I mean by unlocking potential or unfolding potential. And what the perception of your reality will depend on how open and free you are to reframe. Because, well, James, you can, you know, attest to this, but how long did it take you, and how easy was it to get to the depth of knowledge and understanding of where you’re at, what you do now, where it came from, what the story was, who you were, who you’re becoming, right? All three of us were doing something at one point.

DR. JAMES BRYANT 23:54

Let’s see, I’m 51, so it’s taken 51 years.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 24:02

Right?

MARK WRIGHT 24:03

Yeah, that’s a great, uh, metaphor, analogy, still. I wanted to go back to what you said about Oprah, because I think she is such a fascinating example. So, and I’d love to explore more with you, Stel, about the idea of reframing. Because Oprah was the victim of sexual violence when she was a kid, she had a terrible upbringing. But instead of staying framed as a victim, she reframed that instead of saying, I’m weak, at some point she said, I’m strong. And some of my favorite people over my years as a journalist, some of my favorite people in the world are people who’ve seen terrible tragedy and have used that to change the world. Like if you look at America’s Most Wanted, an amazing television show that captures bad guys. The host of that show, his son was kidnapped and killed when he was, when he was young. And he could have folded, he could have drank himself to death. But he didn’t. You look at Mothers Against Drunk Driving, a woman whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. She creates this organization that has changed the world. So, in each of those cases still, these people have somehow reframed and have turned the idea of becoming, turning being a victim into being, I’m not a victim. I’m a victor. I’m strong. So, for those of us listening, how do we reframe those things? And I guess how do we, first of all, find those things that may be the sticking points to reaching our, our potential?

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 25:35

Um, it’s a great question, and I’m gonna do my best to try and simplify because there’s so many factors that are involved. One of them that I could share now that I’m on the call with you is environment and who you hang out with. Okay. And you know what, I don’t remember the saying, but it’s like your income is the, whatever the average of the five people…

ANDRÉ BRISSON 25:58

People you hang out with.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 26:01

And I used to think that was money, which it is, but it’s not the only thing. It’s energy. It’s support. It’s safety. As André said, there’s a whole bunch of things that are curiosity, the learning. All that is the five people you hang out with. André and I just got off, you know, we’re in Strategic Coach class yesterday. And the energy that was in the room was palpable. And it allowed everybody in that room to have perspective on what everybody else was doing. And once safety, once you, once safety is removed where you’re comfortable enough, the word that comes next is vulnerability, right? So I’ve heard André a thousand times and tell the story and he’s vulnerable about, and he’s even said, now, look, I had a crazy quarter and this is what happened to me. He’s not alone, but as that vulnerability opens up, then it allows the stories to unfold. And then it allows the ability to then look at yourself differently, okay? And then expose to other people that have a uniqueness, to then allow everyone to grow. Okay. In terms of a construct, the only way, okay, I shouldn’t say this because it depends, it’s different for everybody. But one of the things I always look for is, is someone ready to see what’s possible. We all know in this room, you expose that potential, and it’s like the universe goes, ah! That’s what you want. Bam. Okay. And here comes the test. And whenever I do work with anybody, I say, listen, the easy part is the breakthrough, like the reframing. The hard part is the integration and putting it into practical play, because you will get tested. Why? Because you need to create a new program in the way that your brain is functioning. In terms of Oprah, you know, once you start understanding that there is nothing out there, and the only way out is in, then you create an internal shift and now you have automatic credibility and a superpower, which is your story. Can you deny that Oprah can help other, you know, people that have had, you know, sexual traumas? Yes. Why? Because she’s going to tell them what to do? No, because she’s a living example of it. And all she’s going to do is tell her story, right? Why do you think biographies are so powerful? It explains everything that happens so that the metaphor of the biography of the individual would then stimulate what it needs for that person that’s reading it or exposed to it to understand themselves. Does that make sense? Okay. And one of the key things that I always say in terms of vision or future or potential is, you know, there’s a, it’s an optometrist actually that from a hundred years ago, they created what are called the Skeffington circles. And it explains vision, right? And, and I think I explained it in the podcast in the past. I don’t remember, but there’s four of them, right? And the first circle is who am I or where am I? Right? So, and I think it’s the most important one. Why? Because if you understand where you are and who you are, it’s easier to understand who you are, who they are. Okay. And then that, then allows you to understand where are you with respect to them. Okay. And then what that does is it opens up communication or authentic expression. And once that happens, bam! We’re in flow. We’re connected. It happens in this podcast. I’ll see something. James will come up with an idea. André is going to come up with that. Do you Mark? You come up with a question. We know that we’re in flow because everybody’s resonating at a frequency. That allows for us all to have vision and to gain something from the call. And what we hope is that then that gets transferred so the listeners can hear what’s happening in here fully so that they get engaged. Their story starts to unfold, and now everybody’s empowered and that’s how you can tap into the potential, and it’s up to the individual to decide whether they’re ready. Okay. Cause the other thing I learned is I want to help the world. I really do. And I would, if I could, but boundaries are key because if I’m that hungry to help someone else, that’s not ready, there’s something inside of me that needs to get help first, and it’s called the boundary crossing. If you help someone else. And let me tell you, you’re going to get bit in the, you know, what, if you go in that direction, you just need to hold firm and continue to work on yourself first.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 30:29

I like to reframe a bit of that because when, Mark, when you were talking about the scenario, where you’re setting up this section here, when actually, so that was very eloquently stated, I got to give you compliments on that. Reframing requires, you can reframe in your mind and do nothing, but it, The examples you gave, Mark, everyone took action, or like Stel said, you have to implement a change. And for that, you need courage as well to be vulnerable, which being in a safe space helps a lot. But a lot of your examples, Mark, my examples in personal past, I still did action in unsafe areas. So it takes a lot of courage to Stel, it’s the vulnerability part. And it’s probably the hardest work. I think it’s easier to bench 500 pounds and break a limb than to do a lot of this work. And I just want to highlight a little bit more what you were saying, Stel. You get the unfolding, you get the new knowledge, you’re growing, okay? And I like how you said you’re creating a new program because you’re learning something new, and then life throws something else new. Another challenge, but that’s a good thing because that means you’ve gone beyond where you were before. And you now found a new challenge. You got to work through because there was growth, there was expansion. And, for me, I look at the next challenge as, as long as I’m finding new problems to solve, I’m growing. If I’m finding the same ones over and over, I think that’s when we need more unfolding in the, uh, and, and the work to get out of that spin and then go find new ones because that’s just it. You’ve grown. You’ve seen things differently. I think you’re just tackling now bigger and bigger problems every time you go past another one.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 32:18

Yeah. So, it takes definitely agree. It takes courage. Intent may be the start, but until you take action, that’s when the change will actually happen. But one of the questions that comes to mind for me, and I would love to get everybody’s take on this, is that it does require courage. You do have to get to the point where you have that level of vulnerability. So that transformation or unlocking or unfolding can continue to happen, but what about the listener who’s listening in that says, still, I don’t have that courage. I don’t think I can do that. What would your advice or how have you worked with people through that?

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 33:01

So, the first thing I always do. And again, one of the benefits I have being in medicine for so long and, you know, graduating at a time we didn’t have this much technology. Um, I’m really good at listening and then asking questions to see what they need, right And I tell people at the beginning, so I do what’s called a discovery call, which is an hour of my time. That is my give back. And I tell everybody, look, I’m going to spend an hour with you. Uh, my hope is that you get massive value out of this. I’m not sure if this process or me are going to be what’s going to support you, but whatever will help you, I’ll make a suggestion if I can. Okay. And it’s when you allow someone, and it’s a simple question, it’s actually a Strategic Coach question that I use that Dan Sullivan came up with called the art factor, right? It’s a year from now, what has to happen that you’re happy and excited about that’s happened over the last year, right? Sounds pretty simple, but when he taught us this, it’s the way he asked the question, which was intriguing. Okay. And it’s specifically asked so that it puts you in a place as if you’re a year from now, okay. And you’d be surprised how many people say, well, what would, I would want is, and then I, I re, reframe again and say, if we were there now, what happened already? And right there, I’m paying attention to where their mindset is to see if they can think of possibility, right? The people that can’t typically, not, okay, an example of the people that can’t have massive trauma that they haven’t resolved. That’s therapy. Okay. And I’ll tell them, look, you should see a therapist. I highly recommend that if you’re comfortable, this is what you should be talking about. Cause by the end of the call, I usually very rarely do I not hear, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anybody before. That’s how you know you have rapport. Okay. That call in on itself is life-changing for most people. So, I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced it, but if you ever express something that you’ve never expressed before, it’s life-changing in on itself because now you’ve given space within you to then take in what you need. So sometimes it doesn’t take this profound breakthrough process. It’s not what somebody needs at that point. That’s it done. Then they move on, and then they’re grateful, and you’ve given them a gift of what, for me, was my unique ability that will end up somewhere. I’m not attached to what happens afterwards. And that’s the other thing is if you get attached to the outcome, it doesn’t work. The other thing that actually a friend of mine who’s an Orthodox Jewish guy, they’ve taught me a lot. They said, you’re a giver. You like helping people. Pay attention because when you do this type of work and you give the laws, okay, so energy can’t be destroyed, destroyed or created. If you give something out of gratitude, make sure that you’re able to receive when it shows up

ANDRÉ BRISSON 36:02

And accept it.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 36:04

And accept it. Should you not, you’re going to get tested with things that should have been positive that aren’t. And man, that was alerting you to myself too. And, the reason I bring it up again, it’s like I see leaders now I pay attention to certain behaviors and man, they know how to say thank you. And I’m learning quickly. Why? Because as you’re taking in that thank you, it gives you more capacity to give even more at a much deeper level to support more people. So how I’m answering you is the exact same way. Who I’ve become has widened up my, I am circle. Which means more people can fit in it that I can understand where they’re at. If I can’t, I refer. If I can, I give them what they can handle respecting their model of the world. Thank you. Okay. And then it creates a win-win environment all the way through. I hope I answered your question.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 36:56

One more point to that, James, I think the other thing too, which I don’t know if you realize this Stel, but a lot of times with my experience with these type of calls is they actually gain courage when their concerns are validated. I’m not the only one. What the hell? Are you serious? Right?

DR. JAMES BRYANT 37:14

And I also think André, it’s that there’s, they feel heard. So this is a space where they’re able to express themselves where they’re not being judged for what they’re saying, and they can feel heard. And that does create an environment for more courage, for more vulnerability. It opens up many more doors for conversations where you can begin to dive a little bit deeper. Now, I don’t use the same process that you’re talking about Stel, but in general, if we’re talking about reframing and someone says they don’t have the courage. Okay. All right. What’s the situation? They tell me the situation. Can you imagine someone a year from now that has gone through that? You know, how, how is that person? How do you think they were able to view this event? Oh, well, you know, they were able to use it for this and use it for that. Okay, well, what do you think are some of the habits or activities that this person does to help be who they are? And kind of because sometimes people have a better grasp of giving other people advice or using other people as examples than they do themselves.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 38:29

And a common theme I keep hearing now, there’s no way this can happen. If it was not a safe space and like sell, I wrote down here, do not get attached to the outcome. And I think the only people that can create the safe space, if there’s, they’re not attached to the outcome. Cause nothing else can really happen if it’s not safe. I’m just going now with James, you’re just explained to me. I just had a massive bunch of flashbacks was a bunch of things. And that’s what it was. I got to share a lot of stuff with you that I never planned on sharing with anyone, but for some reason, I was able to do it with you. So safe space is very important, no matter where you are, especially as a leader, you got to create that safe space for everyone.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 39:07

The, uh, the other thing I want to add, I’m going to make some plugs here, Mark, because it’s coming to me, and I think it’s deserved because there’s amazing people doing amazing things. You know, I mentioned a tool in Strategic Coach. I mentioned that we, you know, André and I were there. The reason why this call is happening is because I met Dan through Strategic Coach, I’m in an environment with unbelievable leaders.

MARK WRIGHT 39:31

Yeah. Dan, the founder of the podcast. And…

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 39:33

So, Dan’s yeah. So, Dan Rogers, founder of the podcast. That’s how I met Mark. I mean, you know, I realized that doing these podcasts are for me. Okay. And this is, I just realized now, this is actually the first podcast where I’m solely focused on my coaching business. And it was the last day or two, I’ve only been thinking about how do I get this out there? What is it that I need to do? And I realized recently the thing that stopped me is me because it scares the bejeepers out of me. What’s going to happen? Cause I know what’s possible, you know? So, so Strategic Coach is that environment that, you know, for me has gone beyond the safety that was many years ago. Cause I started there with Andre, what, 11, 12, 13 years ago. And I call it a course for personal development. And, you know, it, you know, what Dan Sullivan created is that environment to tap into unconscious perspectives to understand, hey, when you’re ready, you’ll know what your potential is. You know, one of the things he keeps talking about is the four freedoms. It’s like the freedom of time, freedom of money. But then he talks about the freedom of relationships and the freedom of purpose, and they’re deep. Okay. And what’s happening on this call is purpose-driven. It’s allowing for the confidence to happen at that level. You know, within the constructs of Strategic Coach, a lot of colleagues have helped me out, André being one of them, Dan Rogers being another one, Chad Jenkins is a big one now, and he’s creating what’s called the Growth Academy, a collaboration of like-minded people that want to make an impact in the world based on purpose. Now, what does that mean? It’s hard to explain. When you have leaders that are tapping into their untapped potential, have the courage and ability to get where they need to in terms of their uniqueness, and that then connects, it’s creating different models that the world needs right now. Okay? Needs to me, it’s mandatory, and we can talk about the youth and poor youth and what’s going to be happening, or we can take this collective wisdom, okay, put it in an environment where there is that vulnerability, but in the direction of what’s possible, should there be a depth of collaboration or connectedness of those people that are willing to take these stories, convert it themselves or reframe it themselves, meet other people that have other stories. Then connect with the Oprah’s of the world and not just support, you know, sexual abuse or our stories. It’s, hold on a second, what happens if we take other leaders that are alone and then take them to the next level and now it changes models. You understand? It literally changes the way that we think. And this is why Elon Musk, you know, whether you like him or not, he’s doing unbelievable things. Okay, the Branson’s, all these guys, they’re, they’re just like us. So, what’s so different? Why are they coming up with these ideas that are literally being applied to create massive, massive value? What you’re going to hear is, oh my God, AI is so dangerous. We had this con to this, this, this talk. Hold on a second. Why don’t we ask where the heck did AI come from? It was a thought from someone that was inspired somehow that once you started thinking, huh? Hold on a second here. Maybe there’s an idea that can transcend old models in order to support new models that means something much more than what we’ve had in the past. Okay. And you know, I’m also gonna commend, I don’t know if this is out there, but what stands, uh, weekly call called the, the TIC or the Tuesday calls that we, we do with, uh, that Dan Rogers runs.

MARK WRIGHT 43:20

The, uh, Intentional Course.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 43:22

Intentional Course. I already see that thing being a monstrosity. Okay. The, the actual way in amazing, the content that he’s providing in there is what actually, the world needs. But it’s brilliant in terms of allowing a personal development of each person on that call to discover who they are, right? But that’s just, it’s another collaborative process. Anyways, I could talk about this forever, but I’m grateful to the Strategic Coach. I’m grateful to Dan, with everything Dan Rogers, and what he’s doing. I’m grateful to Chad Jenkins and what he’s doing with this Growth Academy that he’s creating. I’m grateful to Andre for what he’s doing in terms of bringing the awareness to ADD, and now it’s transforming into the superpower of what that energy is going to provide. James, I don’t know you that well, but anybody that we’ve been on these calls, I’m grateful to what everybody’s doing because it’s actually finally getting out there.

MARK WRIGHT 44:11

And the mission of the podcast, you know, Dan’s mission and vision from the beginning is to transform leaders. And you know, it’s, it speaks to Dan’s heart when you realize that he is paying us to gather for his course. Every Tuesday and Thursday, there are two different sessions, but those personal development courses that he is launching into the world, he’s paying us to improve ourselves, which is just such an amazing idea. I mean, how many, most bosses would say, hey, get back to work and let me know if you get the next project done. He’s like, hey, let’s, let’s uncover this stuff. Let’s figure out who you are. Let’s figure out how we can take you to the next level. How you can take yourself to the next level. And you know, I, I look at this group and, you know, Stel, you could have stayed a vision therapy specialist for your whole life and would have done great work. But you’ve evolved, and you’ve seen your greater calling. André, you could have stayed an engineer. Um, same with James. You guys could have been building great things, but you saw a greater vision, and you saw, uh, what your true calling is. And I just, I love the evolution of leadership that’s just present on this small gathering here. Stel, I’d love you to, uh, address one more thing before we wrap things up. And that is one thing that you teach your clients is to not view challenges as roadblocks or bad, but to see them as an opportunity to learn and grow. And I’d love to, to have you just nail this point home, because I think most of us in the world, if we get hit with some really bad roadblocks, challenges, oh, how was your day? Oh, it was terrible. This happened, and that happened. And I think we define success as the absence of conflict. We define success as the absence of challenges. But what you are saying and what you’re teaching is that, and I can’t remember which special forces leader said this during an interview, but like when they were on a mission, and something went seriously wrong, that could have threatened lives. His response was good. And they’re like, what do you mean? Yeah, good. We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure out what to do. This is just another challenge. It’s going to stretch us and grow us. And I’d love for you to talk about that idea, because I think if we just reframe that one thing, that when those quote-unquote bad things happen in our day, we’re not going to see them as just, oh crap. It’s another bad thing in my day that I’m going to have to, but see it as, oh, wow. I might be able to learn something new.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 46:43

There’s, there’s two things that come to mind right now. One, which most people know is the, you know, the Colonel Sanders story with Kentucky Fried Chicken, right? He has this recipe that’s magically, you know, how many times did he try to sell the darn thing? And just about when he was about to give up, boom, you know, it gets accepted, and here it comes, you know, a huge frans, franchise that got created from it, right? And one thing that we’re always taught in any development course that I’ve taken is that the learnings happen from the failures, right? Because it, again, it shifts neurology. It’s, it’s, you learn something that’s, that’s new. You know, one of my colleagues came up with a, you know, a formula that basically says when it’s fun novel and new is when the learning occurs. Okay. And the doing piece is what’s important because you need to engage in order to understand what that is. The other story that comes to mind is I was recently on my youngest son’s IEP session, which is the educational program evaluation to determine what he needs to do moving forward, especially now that he’s going to be going into grade seven, right? So, you know, everybody’s there, the teachers, the principal, the regional psychologist. Like everybody, there’s a team of seven or eight people and you know, they were explaining what his limitations are because he’s in a wheelchair and how long it takes for him to change and, you know, his medication, so on and so forth. And he’s tired at the day, which is all true. But again, I’m, I always look at positive, and I always look at potential. So this is what I asked them. And this is to your point now, right? I said, we’re all educators in this room. Yes. We all know that learning happens when the child or in our case, the inner child is inspired. Okay. So, the question is, what is it that inspires you first and foremost? Right? And in the case of this interview, I said, what do you think inspires my son? In his case, he loves music, right? He’s, you know, he’s a wild animal. Like he loves excitement. He loves music. He loves the radio station. And then the second thing I post to the teachers is it. If a child falls in the, in the schoolyard and they get cut, what do you do? They say, well, you know, first aid, put the Band-Aid on and off we go. Good. What are the chances that child’s going to fall again in the exact same way? Slim to none. Why? Because they learn from the fall. So, then the question was, what is your definition of my son falling? Okay. So, what’s the moral of the story? You need to find out what your comfort zone is, and step outside of it. And sometimes, it is having the courage to be vulnerable and tell you stories. Sometimes it is, you know, reading a book. Sometimes it is reaching out to a friend that you haven’t spoken to before, right? There’s so many different ways to put you in what’s called a resourceful state that we all have. It’s a choice. Okay. So, when somebody complains, woe is me, blah, blah, blah, complaint, all they’re doing is taking themselves out of a resourceful state. And then you say, well, when I’m happy, then no, you choose to be happy now. That’s a choice. Okay. So, as long as the resourceful state is positive and supportive to what you need, they’ll will be growth out of it. Now, you’ll get in here. Somebody saying, but what if it’s a big trauma, big issue? Yeah, that’s the job of the professional or the friend or whoever that’s outside of you to hold that space, or as James said, asking the questions in a way that reframes you so that you get the learning. And the key thing is that the other person gets the learning as soon as you have to tell them what to do or something. How do you feel when somebody tells you what to do and it’s not really what you want to hear?

ANDRÉ BRISSON 50:21

I can’t say this in public radio.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 50:25

Right? So, it’s again, I keep going back to environment. I keep going back to, values are important. What’s important to you? And then you learn to embrace the challenges. Now, once you get hit with a really big one and you know how to tell how to overcome it in a way that’s supportive for you to understand what you’re calling is, that’s when the magic happens, and you meet other people, like, who are on this call, which then keep taking it to the next level, right? It never stops. So yeah. Yeah.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 50:53

I can attest to that with what I just went through the last two months, either I could have cowered and just fold, or, I just took it as, I know this is a positive sign, so what can I do about it?

DR. JAMES BRYANT 51:04

Yep. Yeah. What can you do about it? How do you want to respond? Uh, what’s the outcome that you’re looking for, uh, in the future?

ANDRÉ BRISSON 51:16

And I think the other thing I had clarity on, and Stel has alluded to this quite a few times today, is I got a lot more clear idea of my purpose, and where I want to be, and how I want to be. And a lot has to do with my environment change. I’ve been working on a lot, and it’s who am I hanging out with the most? Even if it’s Stel. Sorry, I’m gonna let it go, but uh, yeah, no, but seriously, you are one of the ones that’s helping me get to the next level. It’s to the point, I’m scared crapless about what the next level’s gonna be, because I know it’s gonna be tremendous, but let’s go for it. Where’s this wave going? And this is the first time I’m saying, I don’t know where the wave’s going, because I used to need to have that control before I wrote it. Now, just wherever I, whatever beach I end up, I know it’s going to be better than what I’m at now. So…

DR. JAMES BRYANT 41:57

Oh, that’s cool, man.

MARK WRIGHT 51:59

Well, Stel, this has been just really enlightening. I’d love just a reaction from, from James and André before we wrap up, James, what’s your takeaway from our discussion today?

DR. JAMES BRYANT 52:10

Ooh. I, there are lots of takeaways. I have tons of notes, right? What’s the biggest one? What’s the biggest takeaway? What, what I would say is the, the biggest takeaway is the understanding that we’re constantly reframing all, all the time. And the key is now that you know that that is happening. Let’s interrupt the automatic reframing and leverage reframing for your benefit, for what you want to achieve, for who you want to be.

MARKW RIGTH 52:36

Wow. That’s awesome. André, how about you?

ANDRÉ BRISSON 52:39

Well, at the beginning, I wasn’t too keen on the title, Unlocking the Potential. I had a challenge with the word unlock. To me, lock is someone else’s control, right? And I’m just putting this together. I’m making this up as I’m going here, but it’s making sense as I ramble. But when we put, when Stel brought up says it’s more about unfolding, like, that’s a better term. Because if we unlock something, the floodgates could come out, but the unfolding means it’s there, and we’re just not opening the piece of paper. So, once we just bring it out, it’s a process to slowly, and then see what to do. To me, that’s a better term, the unfolding, and that really changed the perception of this, and right now I’m just unfolding a massive encyclopedia is the way I’m seeing it about my future. So, unfolding versus unlocking is a lot better term. So, thanks for that.

MARK WRIGHT 53:28

And Stel, I think the light bulb for me is that, the boundaries that we perceive in our lives are actually created by us. And that’s an exciting, exciting proposition so that future really is unlimited in terms of potential. And that’s an exciting thought. And I just, I just love the way that you’re able to take really complicated stuff and make it simple and make it also inspiring. I really think you found your sweet spot. So, we’ll put, uh, links in the show notes to all three of you, so that if people want to get in touch with each of you, uh, related to your expertise and your coaching and your businesses will do that. But always enjoy spending time.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 54:05

I just want to share like about, we’re always in our way. I’ll tell you one thing, almost every quarter going to coach, Strategic Coach, that’s where I write down, get out of your way. Ah. And I know Stell has, and I know the majority of people in that room. We are our biggest opponent, but a lot of times the reframing is blaming others or the world or whatnot. So,

MARK WRIGHT 54:24

Sure, sure. Stel, any last words? This has been fantastic.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 54:29

I’m going to step outside my comfort zone, which I’ve never done, and I don’t normally do. I’m going to self-plug right now. And so, my website’s drnik@drnik.ca. There’s a link in there for that complimentary discovery call. Okay. And if it helps people gain the value that we talked about on this call, I highly recommend you click the button and you’ll have an hour with me, book a time slot. And, uh, if anything resonated in terms of what we talked about today, as you can see, I know a lot of people, and if there’s anything that’ll support you in any direction that you need to go, whether it’s me or anybody else, and you want to unfold your potential, click the button. But thank you, Mark. It was, it was great. Like, this is my first exposure, like I said, with talking about my, my coaching side of what I do. And like André said, it scared the jeepers out of me, but I’m very comfortable in, in knowing where I’m going now. And it’s just proved it. And, uh, I always loved the way you interview. And today was another example. So, you inspired me too.

MARK WRIGHT 55:31

So, I appreciate, uh, every time that we get together on Contributors Corner, I just, I get so much out of it. And I appreciate the, just the wisdom that all three of you share and, uh, through your life experience and just through who the people you are, you want to make the world a better place. You want to redeem work. And that’s what, that’s what we’re all about here. So, Dr. Stel, Dr. James, Bryant, André Brisson. Thank you so much, you guys. We’ll see you next time.

DR. STEL NIKOLAKAKIS 55:55

Thanks, Mark.

ANDRÉ BRISSON 55:56

Thanks for unfolding.

MARK WRIGHT 55:57

I’m Mark Wright. Thanks for listening to BEATS WORKING, part of the WORKP2P family. New episodes drop every Monday. And if you’ve enjoyed the conversation, subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. Special thanks to show producer and web editor Tamar Medford. In the coming weeks, you’ll hear from our Contributors Corner and Sidekick Sessions. Join us next week for another episode of BEATS WORKING, where we are winning the game of work.