Episode Summary:
If “team bonding” at your company still means bar tabs and branded swag, this one’s for you. The Fun Table tears into why so many office parties feel forced — and shares smarter, inclusive, budget-savvy ways to gather. From clear structure and boundaries to sober-friendly menus, opt-out without penalty, remote/hybrid equity, and purpose-driven activities (like service projects), this episode rewrites the playbook for events that actually build culture — not just calendars.
Key Takeaways
- Structure + boundaries beat chaos: state what it is, what it isn’t, when it starts/ends, and how to participate.
- “Festivities should not require homework”: provide theme aids (leis/props), inclusive menu options, and multiple ways to play.
- Opt-out without penalty: attendance should never be a career litmus test.
- Culture mirror: events can reveal inclusion gaps; design for time zones, caregivers and remote teams.
- Trend watch: only ~54% of Americans drink — Gen Z is leading sober-curious culture. Design accordingly.
Timestamps:
[00:02:10] – BC/AD of office parties: pre- vs post-COVID reality check
[00:18:07] – “No homework” parties: clarity, inclusion and multiple modes of fun
[00:21:48] – The stat: drinking at record low; design beyond the bar
[00:26:29] – The specialty-cocktail trap & sober inclusion at the door
[00:28:04] – Make opt-out culturally safe — no side-eye, no demerits
[00:33:08] – Purpose-driven, not performative; remote/hybrid respect
[00:40:35] – Best “party” idea: group service > group shots
Resources & Links:
-Meet The Fun Table: Kristin Graham, Dele Downs Kooley, Amy Liz Harrison
-Alysse & Libby: Bios & LinkedIn
Connect with Us:
-Website: www.beatsworkingpodcast.com
-LinkedIn: @BEATS WORKING Show
-Instagram: @beatsworkingshow
-Facebook: @Beats Working Show
-YouTube: @BEATSWORKINGPODCAST
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BEATS WORKING is a platform on a mission to redeem work—the word, the place, and the way. We believe that work is the most honorable act in the universe, and through inspiring stories and practical insights, we want to transform the way people think about work and help them discover greater fulfillment in their lives. We invite you to join us as we build community through sharing and actively demonstrating what we learn.
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Transcript
The following transcript is not certified. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. The information contained within this document is for general information purposes only.
00:00:00:00 – 00:00:22:09
Kristen Graham
I think whenever a group of humans at work get together, it’s it’s we’re still going to be the 1970s coming out. And I think there’s a big difference between whether you’re the one who plans and executes said office festivity or the one attending. And that’s where that’s where things can go off the rails.
00:00:22:09 – 00:00:45:19
Alysse Bryson
Welcome to Beats Working winning the game of events where we share stories and strategies to turn any event or life moment into something unforgettable. Events are wild, and the people who work in them are some of the most resilient humans on Earth. If you know, you know. So come with us behind the curtain for a look at their most memorable experiences.
00:00:45:21 – 00:00:56:01
Libby Sundgren
As they say, the show must go on, so let’s get on with the show.
00:00:56:01 – 00:01:22:06
Libby Sundgren
Oh, yes. The opposite party. Mandatory sun at its finest. Whether it’s awkward. Small talk by the cheese tray. I love a good cheese tray. Watching a coworker overshare after three glasses of Cabernet or dodging karaoke sign ups. It’s a fun table. Crew is here today to tackle the wild world of corporate gatherings that are somehow both festive and dreadful all at once.
00:01:22:08 – 00:01:43:21
Libby Sundgren
I am your co-host, Libby Sandgren here with my bestie sidekick Alex Bryson. Hey, at our table we have our usual VIP crew. We’ve got Kristen, Graham, Amy, Liz Harrison and Delhi Downs. Coolly. Welcome, girls. It’s the fun table.
00:01:43:23 – 00:01:50:06
Kristen Graham
Amy, I thought you were going to pull out a maraca. I was tempted, and I do have my balls here, so just in case.
00:01:50:08 – 00:01:52:21
Libby Sundgren
Till next day, I see. Yeah.
00:01:52:23 – 00:01:55:10
Kristen Graham
Different party, different parties. Okay.
00:01:55:11 – 00:02:02:04
Alysse Bryson
Not the office. Party. All right. Fine. This is going to be a fun conversation because I haven’t been to an office party in a while.
00:02:02:08 – 00:02:09:23
Libby Sundgren
I missed out on some office parties, I feel like, but not many in person recently. Well, not the same.
00:02:10:00 – 00:02:20:13
Alysse Bryson
It’s our office parties. I just feel like they’re different. Like, you know how we have A.D. and BC. Like, what do we have the reference from before Covid and after Covid?
00:02:20:14 – 00:02:22:22
Kristen Graham
PC no.
00:02:23:00 – 00:02:24:14
Alysse Bryson
I you see.
00:02:24:16 – 00:02:48:08
Kristen Graham
I think whenever a group of humans at work get together, it’s, it’s we’re still going to be the 1970s coming out. And I think there’s a big difference between whether you’re the one who plans and executes said office festivity or the one attending. And that’s where that’s where things can go off the rails.
00:02:48:10 – 00:03:10:22
Libby Sundgren
So elaborate on that question because I agree with you as somebody who has planned office parties and then had to attend my own parties or attend other people’s parties. But I want to talk about that. The difference. What you think you’re presenting to people. You know, there’s usually a curtain and, like, things you can’t share with other people.
00:03:10:22 – 00:03:24:12
Libby Sundgren
Like what? Your directives specifically are, what your budget is or is not, which can be a real letdown when you’re an attendee coming to, an office party. I want to say.
00:03:24:13 – 00:03:52:12
Kristen Graham
I completely agree, and budgets have no relevance to attendees. This is that that is when normal, ordinary, employed humans turn into ungrateful early teenagers where it is like I deserve three of these extras. I once had somebody I worked incom and we had free, soft drink machines. And I was walking by. This wasn’t even at the party at y’all walking by.
00:03:52:13 – 00:04:21:15
Kristen Graham
It was a Friday afternoon, had a backpack and was just loading up different sodas into their backpack to go home for the weekend. And I’m like, really? The 599 that the 24 pack at the grocery store. And it is absolutely that there’s no such thing as that doesn’t belong to me. When it comes to office gatherings of most types, I’ve even seen it at philanthropic and volunteer outings.
00:04:21:17 – 00:04:32:11
Dele Downs Kooley
I mean, you’re so right. And not holiday related, but that was one of my kids favorite things to do when they’d come see me at the office was go pick something out of the fruit bevy cooler.
00:04:32:13 – 00:04:34:20
Libby Sundgren
And that was like a highlight.
00:04:34:20 – 00:05:08:09
Dele Downs Kooley
Of their trip. And we’re starting early in my career as the party planner and the person responsible for execution. That’s where I channeled my inner project management person and mom being super frugal. Like, how can I create the best possible experience for the people attending the party on a super tight budget, which meant a lot of work on my side to make those very frugal gatherings something that was enjoyable for all.
00:05:08:11 – 00:05:44:08
Dele Downs Kooley
And I, I think even more than that, the party planning, which I don’t think everyone really appreciates, what goes into planning an event is leadership, like parties at work or something. It’s kind of that unspoken rule of be seen, but not seen. You go and show your face to say that you were there and working in tech. A lot of the people that I worked with were introverts, so that felt like it was hard for them to come out and engage with people.
00:05:44:10 – 00:06:18:03
Dele Downs Kooley
It wasn’t comfortable. So that’s where I think leadership creates the culture in holiday corporate party spaces, meaning the right leaders, they’re able to come in and set the tone for the group. When people are feeling less than engaging and excited about being somewhere, the right leaders come in and they demonstrate genuine engagement and share their own funny stories.
00:06:18:03 – 00:06:42:19
Dele Downs Kooley
They talk to the people that are part of their organization and they kind of create that space for genuine connection. And if it’s not the leader, you’ve got to have someone in the organization that kind of sets that tone. I remember we did a risk profile assessment of our leaders, and what we realized was myself and our most senior leader were the connectors.
00:06:42:19 – 00:07:13:14
Dele Downs Kooley
They were the people that were genuinely interested, not that other people weren’t, but genuinely interested in asking those questions. Connecting authentically, sharing stories with boundaries because you don’t want to overshare at a holiday party, ever. And when you’ve got the right mix of people that do that, that’s where holiday parties, corporate gatherings can be fun because you have someone leading the charge.
00:07:13:16 – 00:07:37:03
Dele Downs Kooley
I don’t know, that’s just a thought. I think one of my favorite leaders was a general in the military, who was not like some of the other generals. He would come in. He was the first person to lend a hand, which, by leading by example, he was truly in service to the people in his organization, which made everyone a little bit more relaxed.
00:07:37:05 – 00:07:44:10
Dele Downs Kooley
And it was a lot easier to connect and have fun because you didn’t feel like I’m being judged.
00:07:44:12 – 00:08:17:09
Libby Sundgren
Well, I think that’s a good point. And also to add to that, you know, an office party, a corporate part, whatever kind of celebration you’re planning, it’s not going to, you know, say a culture problem. So I think if you have if your leadership is doing that all the time, and if your company is living that all the time, I think that is naturally going to make those events so much more fun and enjoyable for everybody.
00:08:17:11 – 00:08:40:05
Libby Sundgren
Because, you know, having a quarterly coffee and donuts is not going to, you know, get people rallied and feeling good and happy. If, you know, if you’re doing that four times a year and you know, that’s that’s the only time that they’re feeling that kind of connection with other people. What do you think, Chris? And, you.
00:08:40:07 – 00:08:56:04
Dele Downs Kooley
Know, amount of free beverages or swag is going to create culture. It’s the leaders. Are they attending, you know your attendance or lack of attendance leads. It’s also saying something.
00:08:56:08 – 00:09:21:15
Kristen Graham
If you drink, you want me at your party to give you my free drink tickets? I always make friends that way. At others party, that becomes a whole subculture of that. But I want to go back, and I would like to disagree with deli stuff, because that’s just kind of fun of of our respective things. I don’t think it starts from the leaders.
00:09:21:15 – 00:09:48:13
Kristen Graham
I think the leaders actually can impede the success of an event at times. And let’s let’s be clear, the real leaders of any activity or gathering are the people who are planning it and doing that. Not anybody who shows up with the title. And there are some times and spaces where not having leaders presence or having them come in, say a quick hello and leave actually benefits the gathering in some places.
00:09:48:18 – 00:10:08:22
Kristen Graham
If these are people who occasionally quarterly, we’ll send out an email. I don’t want to hang out with them for 45 minutes. It again, it all depends on that space. But what is the purpose of the gathering? And if it is for camaraderie, intersecting a whole bunch of org charts is just going to make things as awkward as Thanksgiving with your uncle Bob, right?
00:10:09:00 – 00:10:28:15
Kristen Graham
So and then the last thing I’ll say, and I’m very curious what you all have said, too. I think the two most important things that go into any type of facilitation is structure and boundaries. It it’s like having a room full of puppies and no playpen. You need to tell anybody whether they’re coming to your house or to a 2000 person event in Vegas.
00:10:28:20 – 00:10:37:07
Kristen Graham
This is what it is. This is what it isn’t. This is when it starts. And you need to give them that structure because otherwise they’re just going to be free roaming.
00:10:37:12 – 00:10:42:21
Dele Downs Kooley
This goes back to our episode on the Art of the gathering.
00:10:42:23 – 00:10:54:08
Kristen Graham
Or the decline of the gathering. And I’m protecting myself, but I see I mean, when you have thrown the parties and then have to sit down with H.R. Legal the next day to review tapes.
00:10:54:10 – 00:10:55:18
Libby Sundgren
Oh my gosh. Yeah.
00:10:55:18 – 00:11:08:22
Kristen Graham
Or you have the very helpful employees who send you a top ten list of the things that could have been better. Right. And I’m sure we’ve all, because we’ve been behind the scenes, are like, thank you for that.
00:11:09:00 – 00:11:13:11
Libby Sundgren
Thank you for your free swag. Thanks for your constructive criticism.
00:11:13:13 – 00:11:14:16
Kristen Graham
Or just criticism.
00:11:14:20 – 00:11:16:15
Libby Sundgren
Yeah.
00:11:16:17 – 00:11:45:17
Kristen Graham
I’m sorry. I just had a feeling. Somebody else thoughts? Well, I was going to say one of my favorite movies. I don’t know if there are any office Space fans in this company present company, but I love how earlier in the convo we’re touching on leadership and culture. And man, I think that stuff is tough. I don’t work in an office right now, but it seems to me that that can be a challenge.
00:11:45:19 – 00:12:09:01
Kristen Graham
And one of my favorite scenes in that movie, Office Space, is when, you know, they’ve got this, like Bill Stein, cousin, basically who’s the boss there in the office. His name is Lundgren. Lundgren, I think. Langhorn I don’t know, does it matter? Point is, he says, you know, oh, you’re standing there with a coffee mug. It is like.
00:12:09:01 – 00:12:36:06
Kristen Graham
And don’t forget to wear, oh, Hawaiian shirt on Fridays. It’s going to be Hawaiian shirt day. And like, the camera just pans around and everybody’s just kind of like, got this lackluster kind of like, unenthusiastic look on their face. Except for there’s like the one token person, you know, with like the big Sally Jessy Raphael glasses. And he’s like, yeah, like he can’t wait to wear a Hawaiian shirt.
00:12:36:06 – 00:12:51:12
Kristen Graham
And it’s like you’re on your own without one, like on Lanai, I don’t know, but that is my experience anyway, with I always feel like I’m that one person who’s kind of like kind of into the weird side.
00:12:51:13 – 00:12:55:12
Libby Sundgren
If you’re up for it. Themed, I’ll do it. Yeah.
00:12:55:14 – 00:13:00:15
Alysse Bryson
Let’s remember from a previous episode the the Tony Danza theme.
00:13:00:17 – 00:13:01:14
Libby Sundgren
If there’s been.
00:13:01:19 – 00:13:05:07
Alysse Bryson
If there’s a theme, Amy, Liz Harrison is usually behind it.
00:13:05:12 – 00:13:29:21
Amy Liz Harrison
Yeah, yeah. Or I’ll make something out of, like, one office party that I attended. My husband’s who works for an airline, there was a luggage tossing contest, so they would they were like taking big suitcases with different weights. And they would like, run around as if it was a is it shotput? Is it discus? I don’t remember from track and field.
00:13:29:23 – 00:13:50:13
Amy Liz Harrison
But anyway, that same maneuver and then Huck in it and then people would measure how far they flung the suitcase and I got like all into it. Like that was my favorite part of the entire party. Like the memory for me, the core memory was that game. That’s so I don’t know, I clinging onto that weird thing.
00:13:50:15 – 00:14:13:01
Libby Sundgren
Now I like that, and I think that’s a good, you know, goes back to what Kristen said about being clear about what’s happening and the expectations and the timeline. I mean, if there is a theme back suggestions, what what could you wear if you’re not like we talked about another, well, in our theme episode, of course, if you don’t have something, we’ll have leis for you to put on.
00:14:13:01 – 00:14:30:20
Libby Sundgren
If it’s a Hawaiian, you know, party and event, like we have something for you. You don’t feel like you need to wear Hawaiian shirt all day long. If there are going to be games, you’re going to be hiking, you’re doing chocolate with luggage. Wear a shirt that you can sweat it, you know, and I say that it’s just a sweaty, I just am a sweater.
00:14:30:20 – 00:14:41:02
Libby Sundgren
That’s just what I am, okay? And if I’m wearing, like, cashmere or something, I’m not going to want to play that game because I don’t want to ruin my sweater and get Pittston that and not be able to wear it again.
00:14:41:04 – 00:15:12:10
Dele Downs Kooley
Okay, so I’m not going to bring up where Amy’s husband works. I just have to say that I am a huge fan of the culture at that organization, and I think that gatherings are a there can be a culture where they reveal the health of an organization’s culture. And I have watched parties intentionally. They either reinforce inclusion or unintentionally create distance like that.
00:15:12:10 – 00:15:45:05
Dele Downs Kooley
Was that one of the biggest changes that I saw when I was working in corporate and organizing parties was to include or not to include gifts of wine. And it’s not just if you’re sober, don’t give somebody a bottle of wine. It’s if you’re giving out gifts to senior leaders. And maybe culturally, wine is not appropriate for them, then you have just created a moment of distance in your organization versus reinforcing inclusion.
00:15:45:05 – 00:16:07:22
Dele Downs Kooley
Because if everybody else got a bottle of wine and they love it, you’re like, yes, I nailed it. Except for the part where that one person, because of cultural values, did not want or or they’re on a sober journey. Either way, you just set them aside like you gave them a bottle of wine. And so that’s where parties can be.
00:16:07:22 – 00:16:38:01
Dele Downs Kooley
Culture mirrors. It’s it’s one that either reinforces those moments of inclusion or unintentionally creates distance. And, one of the things that as a person from the outside looking in when I attend an organization’s party, I love listening to the people who are there. I love hearing their stories and memories, the memories, like Amy, that’s going to be a core memory for anybody who was at that party.
00:16:38:01 – 00:17:04:20
Dele Downs Kooley
I wasn’t at that party, but I wish I was. I mean, that’s amazing that you have an activity that’s so woven into the company culture, and even if you are not tasked with throwing luggage, you still get to participate. And that’s a lot of fun. So I love that. I love so many things about the the culture of the organization that your husband works for.
00:17:04:22 – 00:17:19:13
Dele Downs Kooley
And you can see it in the stories when when employees share stories about work coming, if they’ve been at the organization for a long time. I really enjoy sitting and talking to people who are part of that organization and the stories that they share.
00:17:19:14 – 00:17:40:02
Kristen Graham
And one thing I’d like to add, though, I want to go back to something that Libby said to underscore it. We were talking about the Lions shirts and all the rest of it. But what Libby brought up, and this is where really good event planners, organizers or contributors bring such value. And it’s saying the things and anticipating elements that may not occur to others.
00:17:40:02 – 00:18:07:21
Kristen Graham
So instead of saying everybody wear Hawaiian shirts saying we will have a Hawaiian theme and then having leis or props, etc., festivities should not require homework. If you’re throwing an event and people have to go out and stress over something, or purchase something, or come up with it when it’s unexpected, when that is not part of the plan and structure an agenda that actually is going against the goals of your activity.
00:18:07:23 – 00:18:31:05
Kristen Graham
And I think also back to Amy and Delly were sharing positive examples of activities. You need somebody involved, though, that can give a 360 view that can come out and say, that sounds really and I love how Delly said, you know, it can be it can end up being exclusive even when you’re trying to move forward. Because I’m sitting there thinking through, okay, what about the people who wouldn’t be able to lift something like that?
00:18:31:05 – 00:18:50:22
Kristen Graham
How inclusive are we going to be able to do, and what does that look like, and what additional activities that doesn’t mean take away all the fun. I’ve been accused of everything in my event days, right? But I am a big fan of the ampersand. Yes, and what else can there be? So still, have anybody seen those cash booths and all that stuff buying?
00:18:50:22 – 00:18:56:16
Kristen Graham
Oh yeah. That’s if that’s what lights up. You know, it’s so stressful being in one of those like real story but you.
00:18:56:16 – 00:18:59:02
Libby Sundgren
Can get it one. So I agree with you on that.
00:18:59:02 – 00:19:00:07
Kristen Graham
I you know, it’s in that.
00:19:00:13 – 00:19:02:07
Libby Sundgren
I want to get in there.
00:19:02:13 – 00:19:26:12
Kristen Graham
Yeah. But we’ll come back to that. But my point is you can still have the things like deli said, that’s a cultural mirror. But what additional elements and outlets can be available and who is sitting there saying also, what are the additional menu opportunities? Vegan, gluten free? True allergies, right? What is our stance on mocktails? Cocktails? Soda? Water?
00:19:26:18 – 00:19:50:18
Kristen Graham
You need that thoughtfulness because I used to joke and I’ve done corporate events for over 20 years and our joke is the team was we should all have t shirts that just say event staff on the back and in the front in small letters. No good deed goes unpunished because no matter what you do, I literally had two employees get in a fight over the remaining two left shoes of flip flops for a beach party, and like, they’re not even an actual set.
00:19:50:18 – 00:20:12:08
Kristen Graham
But that’s coming back to this structure and making sure that there are people there to say the things that your employees, clients, stakeholders or public will not say to you in the moment, but they will sure say to each other, you can congratulate yourself on a very successful event that actually wasn’t successful. To those who attended. That’s the challenge.
00:20:12:10 – 00:20:28:17
Dele Downs Kooley
That is so true. Hey, sorry to interrupt. I promise you we will get right back to this amazing conversation. But first, here’s a quick word about classy problems. It’s part of our sidekick Way ecosystem. Take a listen.
00:20:28:19 – 00:20:36:14
Alysse Bryson
Most event problems, not life or death. Even though they feel like it, they’re classy problems.
00:20:36:16 – 00:20:43:20
Libby Sundgren
Moments when the AV guy ghosts the keynotes flight gets delayed or the Wi-Fi dies five minutes before showtime.
00:20:43:22 – 00:20:51:21
Alysse Bryson
But a classy problem isn’t a crisis. It’s your chance to get scrappy, creative and win the day.
00:20:51:23 – 00:20:56:01
Libby Sundgren
Find yours at classy problems.com. Because the show must go on.
00:20:56:01 – 00:21:23:13
Alysse Bryson
And I want to chime in on, the alcohol component as as it’s no secret, I’m very passionate about rethinking drinking in the workplace as someone who is on a sober journey, and I think we’ve seen a lot of healthy shifts in events, work related events, not always having this center focus be around drinking, but we still have a long ways to go.
00:21:23:14 – 00:21:48:18
Alysse Bryson
You know, in my experience, any time someone had a birthday, we all went to the bar across the street. Anytime somebody was leaving the company, we all went to the bar across the street, you know, like, and, that’s great for the drinkers, but it is very alienating for the nondrinkers no matter what, what reason they are non drinking from and there was a stat that came out last week or the week before, I don’t know.
00:21:48:18 – 00:22:15:17
Alysse Bryson
I’ve seen it so many times now it’s getting a little blurry, but the drinking in America has has hit a record low. Only 54% of Americans say that they drink now. Which is the lowest it’s been since the 1930s. And so we are seeing this huge shift. It’s predominantly being pushed by Gen Z, not millennials, not Gen X, definitely not boomers.
00:22:15:17 – 00:22:45:21
Alysse Bryson
It’s predominantly pushed by Gen Z because they are opting for different choices and and healthier choices. And you know, we’re seeing things like silent reading parties, popping up in parks or in cafes and and so, you know, the challenge here for corporate America, when you’re thinking about your, your office parties is what are you really doing to be inclusive?
00:22:45:23 – 00:23:05:01
Alysse Bryson
And what’s the purpose of the event like, if there’s not a purpose, why are you having it to begin with? And I do agree with what’s already been said, that it definitely holds up a mirror to the health of the culture, but you don’t get that overnight. And unfortunately, you can you can break it overnight. You can break it a lot easier than you can build it.
00:23:05:01 – 00:23:06:16
Alysse Bryson
That’s for sure.
00:23:06:18 – 00:23:07:11
Dele Downs Kooley
I think a.
00:23:07:13 – 00:23:11:02
Alysse Bryson
Lot with what’s the matter with the Coldplay video.
00:23:11:04 – 00:23:12:03
Libby Sundgren
Well.
00:23:12:05 – 00:23:44:10
Dele Downs Kooley
I love that you bring that up because with an entire generation making different choices, making healthy choices, different choices that support their health journey, they are also the individuals that are probably most likely to be unsatisfied at work. I was just working with a senior leader in corporate around their, health and wellness scores in the organization, and when you looked at it, the people who had been there for a really long time had high scores.
00:23:44:12 – 00:24:31:15
Dele Downs Kooley
The people who had just started in the organization had high scores. And then there was this group that had just come outside of the honeymoon phase, and they were the younger individuals in the organization, and they were systematically dropping the health and wellness of the organization scores because they wanted something different than the corporate model currently gives. So I love that you bring that up because if you’re if you are a leader in an organization and you’re looking at the health and wellness score and most, you measure what matters and, and that is something that’s being measured in a lot of organizations, the health and well-being score, whatever it is that you call it
00:24:31:15 – 00:24:55:14
Dele Downs Kooley
at your organization. I would be curious if you were watching this episode, if you went look at who are the people? Is there a is there a population that’s actually, if you were to strip it apart and look at the different parts of your organization, where does that health and wellness score drop? There is a generation that’s asking for something different.
00:24:55:14 – 00:25:00:11
Dele Downs Kooley
Are we meeting their needs? Are we thinking about them when we’re planning activities?
00:25:00:13 – 00:25:24:23
Kristen Graham
And lots of companies are even asking through a survey, or I’ve seen that decline a lot since Covid two or the retrofitting there, there is no such thing for culture or for events of a one size fits all. So I think that as we plan anything, having a menu of options will better serve, including the option not to attend without having any cultural demerits.
00:25:25:01 – 00:25:27:04
Kristen Graham
And I’m also curious.
00:25:27:06 – 00:25:32:20
Dele Downs Kooley
That’s the be seen and be seen is seeing you show up. You put your face time in and you leave.
00:25:33:02 – 00:26:04:00
Kristen Graham
If you even have that option. I’m curious if we want to shift at some point to remote, hybrid, global or geographically dispersed. So this is so interesting about the Gen Z leading the way in not drinking. Whether that’s in general or at events or across the board, I don’t know, but I recently did attend something where and this is, by the way, not, you know, unique to this particular gathering that I was, attending.
00:26:04:02 – 00:26:29:04
Amy Liz Harrison
But it’s very common, right? We walk in and immediately the servers come up with trays of a specialty cocktail, and that’s it. No water, no juice, nothing else. And I was like, okay, so there’s this is nonalcoholic or alcoholic. He’s like, no, there’s gin in it. But the name was so long and fancy. I kind of missed that part.
00:26:29:06 – 00:27:01:15
Amy Liz Harrison
But it’s weird because I don’t drink. I always kind of think that that’s unfortunate that they don’t offer something. And now I have to go stand in the bar line, which is extremely long, just to get like a soda water. I find that super irritating. As a participant, what other people out there, you know, are attending these gatherings that have different things going on, whether it’s a dietary restriction or whatever, you know that it doesn’t.
00:27:01:17 – 00:27:20:19
Amy Liz Harrison
It’s not a generally, crossed line sometimes, you know, for people that think outside that box. And where do you draw the line because of budget constraints and because we can’t be all things to all people. And I don’t know the answer to any of that. Well, the best way to save on budget is to save on booze.
00:27:20:21 – 00:27:21:15
Kristen Graham
There you go.
00:27:21:17 – 00:27:27:09
Alysse Bryson
Libby’s been with me when I’ve had. My only option was to drink out of a water fountain. True story.
00:27:27:15 – 00:28:04:13
Libby Sundgren
Yeah, I chose to also drink out of that water fountain because I didn’t want any wine, water or wine. I mean, we have to be at home. You know, Kristen, I think that’s really a good point to to give people an option to opt out without any cultural, social blowback, because I do, you know, from different environments where I planned events, there were some places where it was totally understandable if you’re not going to come in, there’s no pressure.
00:28:04:14 – 00:28:27:11
Libby Sundgren
And other places where if you did not come, that was silently marked by, yes, so many people. And they were. If they were a peer, they were so annoyed. If they were, you know, management, then they would ask you why you didn’t come, why weren’t you there? You’re not an active participant. You’re not part of even if you’re doing work, you know, you’re not part of the group.
00:28:27:13 – 00:28:58:10
Libby Sundgren
And like Elisa name, you said 99% of those events, you know, revolved primarily around going to a bar, drinking, doing some happy hour, doing something like that. And I think one, you know, one way to really help a culture it in, in the events, in an inappropriate setting, one of the many ways is to not require people to come to these and to make it totally fine.
00:28:58:10 – 00:29:14:09
Libby Sundgren
If you weren’t there, because I think forcing people to go really adds to that uncomfortable, awkward vibe at an event. And and really, it permeates through someone’s day to day experience within that company.
00:29:14:11 – 00:29:39:12
Kristen Graham
Then recognizing the different places and spaces that people are at. So having worked at a lot of global, diverse elements. So sending a celebration kit to the different offices or having desk drops of items like, let’s go back to your Hawaiian theme so that whether they were there or out of the office or chose not to come, there was still a bit of the festivity that was bestowed upon them individually.
00:29:39:14 – 00:30:02:07
Kristen Graham
And then if it isn’t something in-person or even a remote attendance, I’ve seen a lot of those virtual happy hours that popped up. We haven’t given enough thought to time zones to caregivers in different aspects, to, people with different medicines or mental well-being initiatives where that’s not necessarily available or comfortable to them. Transportation something. Delly. Just said earlier.
00:30:02:13 – 00:30:13:12
Kristen Graham
So sometimes the best kindness can be, choice. And that’s something that we are. It’s not a forcing function to have a social function.
00:30:13:14 – 00:30:14:13
Libby Sundgren
And I like that.
00:30:14:19 – 00:30:27:16
Alysse Bryson
Well, where do we go from here, ladies? Does anybody have any cringe worthy stories of, an events, office gathering gone really wrong?
00:30:27:18 – 00:30:37:09
Kristen Graham
Sir, what about you all my pro tip is there are cameras in more places than you think. A public service announcement.
00:30:37:11 – 00:30:46:12
Alysse Bryson
You’re not wrong. Yeah, well, and, you know, in addition to that, everybody is walking around with a camera in their pocket.
00:30:46:14 – 00:30:47:07
Kristen Graham
True story.
00:30:47:07 – 00:31:00:09
Alysse Bryson
Right. And you don’t know when these days anymore. They’re in their glasses. Like people can be recording audio and video in all kinds of places now. And you may have no idea that it’s happening.
00:31:00:10 – 00:31:21:00
Kristen Graham
Our our mantra used to be because we were part of the event, staff assume everything is a hot mic, meaning when we when like once we walk out the doors, assume anything you say anywhere bathrooms to that that’s just a hot mic and you don’t want anything repeated and probably repeated incorrectly or unfortunately correctly. At another time.
00:31:21:00 – 00:31:49:22
Libby Sundgren
So I think my Cringiest office event moment and I mean, I think that there were many of these types of actions, but it was just it’s the feeling, the feeling when you’re there and it’s kind of quiet, even if you have music playing and you can just feel the vibe is just not there. People don’t really want to be there.
00:31:50:01 – 00:32:27:10
Libby Sundgren
They feel like they’re being forced to. They’re kind of like, how long do I need to do this before I can go? And I the events that I was a part of, either attending or planning where that was the firing was always in at a time when the the people in the organization felt underappreciated in general. So it was a culture issue that really I don’t think there’s anything I could have done to make that event feel really great for people other than give everybody, you know, $100,000 or something.
00:32:27:12 – 00:32:47:13
Libby Sundgren
So it really but I think those are my the worst feelings when you’re like, and I just can’t wait for this to be over so that everyone can just go back to their desk and then I can apologize that, you know, I mean, I would really like, you know, that I can just pretend this never happened.
00:32:47:15 – 00:32:50:21
Kristen Graham
Libby’s lost and thought you can just if you’re playing it right.
00:32:50:23 – 00:32:53:06
Libby Sundgren
I’m just feeling it right now. Layers of.
00:32:53:06 – 00:32:54:14
Kristen Graham
Trauma. There is crap.
00:32:54:16 – 00:33:08:00
Libby Sundgren
You know, like donuts and donuts and coffee or like a keychain are not going to fix fix a vibe that is an all day by a 24 seven by in a world company.
00:33:08:00 – 00:33:41:01
Dele Downs Kooley
And that underscores that events need to be purpose driven, not performative. And for so long there was this rhythm of the business with performative happy hours and all the things that really weren’t aligned to what people needed. So the purpose driven, not performative. I think Kristen’s give us, given us some good examples about that and boundaries that respect time and well-being of employees, authentic interactions.
00:33:41:03 – 00:34:16:03
Dele Downs Kooley
And, Kristen, I think you you mentioned that inclusive factor of what do you do when when they’re remote. So how do you how do you create an inclusive experience when everyone is not in the same place? I know I had a team reach out to me after the fact. We had a manager that loved to schedule meetings, and we had a global team and the the meetings would get scheduled at between 5 and 7 on a Friday for our European.
00:34:16:05 – 00:34:16:17
Kristen Graham
No.
00:34:16:20 – 00:34:40:18
Dele Downs Kooley
Counterparts. And I was I finally just said, hey, I thought we had a meeting where we talked about respecting boundaries of the entire team, and I don’t feel like we have to have these meetings at this time on Friday in the US, because now we’re infringing on after hours. If we’re going to do that, can we just not do it on Friday?
00:34:40:20 – 00:34:59:05
Dele Downs Kooley
And I remember them reaching out and saying, thank you so much for saying something, because it just felt like we had a conversation. We agreed as a team what our norms were going to be. And then this manager just kept scheduling because that was the only opening on their on their calendar. And I understand that, but what’s the cost?
00:34:59:07 – 00:35:01:18
Dele Downs Kooley
The rest of the schedule was.
00:35:01:19 – 00:35:23:04
Kristen Graham
The courage, the courage to say something. That’s the missing ingredient in any gap. And you know, we’re talking about social activities, but an event can also be a standing team meeting, a quarterly town hall and things like that that maybe don’t have the merriment or the snacks, but still have exactly what you all have said. The cultural mirror.
00:35:23:09 – 00:35:53:06
Kristen Graham
And if there’s nobody willing or able to bring forward a courageous comment or reflection, then that culture, that cultural mirror, is going to have a lot of cracks in it. One thing that we’ve seen and Elise mentioned earlier, we all have cameras in our pockets. So when working in a lot of international and remote situations, we would pick a theme and then the teams or the individuals could put together little vignettes or videos stitched together.
00:35:53:06 – 00:36:18:07
Kristen Graham
It takes the same amount of time to plan a party as it is to, especially with today’s software to put something together and then that can be shared on the day of the event so that from Dallas to Dubai, people have participated and have been seen without having to be present and in command. So there’s a lot of ways we can be creative and support the culture without being commanding to dictate a culture.
00:36:18:09 – 00:36:46:10
Amy Liz Harrison
And I love, too, that Libby brought up that I think you said donuts and and coffee aren’t going to fix a culture. And and I love that this whole idea behind, you know, you can’t sort of fix that. You can’t fix what people might have going on with just like, hey, we’re going to throw this amazing party and it’s going to be unifying and fantastic.
00:36:46:12 – 00:37:11:03
Amy Liz Harrison
And I have a joke with an institution that I belong to. It’s like whenever there’s a major disruption and people are all up in arms about things immediately, like they’ll rebrand, it’s new logos, it’s new this and that, and it’s just funny. It’s like, no, we’re like totally putting the cart before the horse. Like it’s the problem is back here, you know, and.
00:37:11:04 – 00:37:12:07
Libby Sundgren
We’re nothing.
00:37:12:07 – 00:37:18:00
Kristen Graham
Is going to distract from that. That needs to be fixed and a logo isn’t going to do it.
00:37:18:02 – 00:37:42:17
Libby Sundgren
Yeah. And it goes back to, to you know what Delly and Kristen said about, you know, really figuring out what your goal is for your event. I mean, sometimes, honestly, the best option for an office event might be, hey, we want everybody to take two hours out of their day to go do something that’s not work related. You know, you’re getting paid for that time.
00:37:42:19 – 00:38:06:19
Libby Sundgren
Take two hours. If you can’t do it today, do it tomorrow, do it another day. But you need to block that time on your calendar and take care of something that you need to do during the day that you’re not able to right now. You know, giving people a gift like that, like time that they can’t, you know, just, you know, pull out of their, I don’t know, credit card or something that can’t buy on the internet.
00:38:06:21 – 00:38:10:08
Libby Sundgren
Is is can be really valuable, I think.
00:38:10:10 – 00:38:40:09
Dele Downs Kooley
I love it, too. You actually reminded me of something that I loved from Covid when I was working in corporate. You have this budget where you plan events or whatever. Well, if you can’t plan in-person events, how do you spend your budget and the solution from the leadership was take this dollar amount, divide it by the team, and then send everyone a note and say, our gift to you is $50.
00:38:40:09 – 00:39:05:01
Dele Downs Kooley
Whatever it was for you to spend on something that brings you joy and for me, I don’t like tchotchkes. I don’t like swag. That is not meaningful. It just I don’t want to walk around with the the shirt that’s branded for my company or my, my North Face jacket that’s got a big company logo on it. And I love the jacket.
00:39:05:01 – 00:39:27:18
Dele Downs Kooley
I just would prefer that it not be logo. So when they gave that gift of buy something that brings you joy, I bought personally stationery and that brought me so much joy. And then you turned in your expense. Well, then they had a party on us, virtual holiday gathering where you got to share what what brought you joy?
00:39:27:18 – 00:39:53:14
Dele Downs Kooley
And how did you spend your money? And one, the fact that I got to buy personalized stationery on my company’s dime as a gift to myself, that brought exponential amounts of joy, and then hearing what other people spent their money on was like, this window into who are the people that I’m working with that the things that we it’s not like we’re talking about dirty secrets or anything.
00:39:53:14 – 00:40:19:07
Dele Downs Kooley
It’s just something you wouldn’t talk about necessarily. That gives you a point of connection to the people that you’re tasked with meeting the mission, making whatever it is happen at work. And I think I got more out of that holiday. Those two holiday parties where we bought something and then had an opportunity. You didn’t have to. It was totally optional.
00:40:19:09 – 00:40:35:17
Dele Downs Kooley
You just got to share if you wanted to share. And I learned so much and ended up inviting people to join me for things based on what I learned about them from what they purchased. So, I, I loved, I love that you brought that up.
00:40:35:19 – 00:40:57:18
Alysse Bryson
Well, in my favorite to go the other way and not talk about, like, the worst experiences we’ve had with office parties, my favorite office gatherings, parties, whatever you want to call them is when the group is being of service to someone, somewhere. And that could be packing food, that could be cleaning up sidewalks, that could be painting. It doesn’t really matter.
00:40:57:18 – 00:41:10:14
Alysse Bryson
That could be writing letters. It doesn’t really matter what it is. But when a group gets together and as I’m sure of, of service to another group, I think that is where you’ll have the most maximum impact.
00:41:10:16 – 00:41:11:09
Kristen Graham
100%.
00:41:11:13 – 00:41:34:06
Alysse Bryson
Well, ladies, this has been, as usual, so much fun at the fun table talking about all things, events and community. And that is a wrap for this episode of beats working winning the Game of events. If you have an idea or you want to reach out, please email us at info at Beats Working dot show and remember every detail matters, every moment counts.
00:41:34:06 – 00:41:37:11
Alysse Bryson
And no matter what, the show must go on.
00:41:37:11 – 00:42:04:06
Speaker 1
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00:42:04:08 – 00:42:11:03
Speaker 1
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